Episode Report Card Heathen: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From L.A.
By Heathen | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.01.2003
From Kontagion Central, Kyle sits on his bed, staring at the activity outside his chamber and wishing he was out of there and into the business end of a KFC bucket and a joint. He sees Andrea on the phone. We cut out to where she is, because she's getting Kyle's test results. Dumbfounded, she rifles through them and mutters, "How can that be?" She asks if they rechecked the results. "Three times," says Random Technician. "You're sure?" Andrea presses. "Very sure," Random Technician says, barely concealing her glee at the SAG wages she's going to get for having those two lines. Andrea orders her to get Chappelle on the phone and heads over to Kyle's parents. Then, to Kyle's alarm, she escorts them into Kontagion Central without putting them in protective suits. He's like, what the hell? "There's no trace of the virus in your blood," Andrea says. "You're clean." Kyle's parents are thrilled, and they hug him; Kyle is now learning that you should always make sure you're about to die before you make loving and weepy confessions. He's totally like, "Shit, if I'd known this was going to happen, I'd have shut my damn mouth."
Andrea's cell rings; it's Chappelle, and he's appropriately peeved that Kontagious Kyle is now Klean Kyle. "How is that possible?" he gapes. "It's only possible if he was never infected," Andrea says. Chappelle's irate that the V-I-R-U-S was just a bluff. Andrea points out that the dead body they dropped off was definitely infected, so the V-I-R-U-S is no fake. "Then why not infect the boy? What the hell is going on here?" Chappelle seethes. "You tell me," Andrea grunts. I love that Chappelle's actually pissed that Kyle isn't infected with a flesh-eating bug, as if it would've been so much more convenient if he'd kicked off like he was supposed to do.
KieferKrotchRocket screeches to a halt at the Santa Margarita airfield. Immediately, a bunch of guerrillas show up with machine guns. Kiefer is konfused. He has to be kidding -- there's no way he didn't know this was going to happen. Felipe pulls a gun on him, too, presumably Kiefer's own, or else Kiefer's really stupid and let Hartmano stay armed. I guess he's trying to make it look like he's on Hartmano's side, so maybe that's why he did it. At any rate, Felipe Hartmano rants about how there was no way in hell he was going to let Kiefer get out of this alive. Kiefer gets knocked out, and the guerrillas hold his slumped body up so that Hartmano can press his pistol to Kiefer's neck. "Thanks for the ride, Kiefer," Hartmano cackles. Capitano Cocaine interrupts with the news that Hector wants Kiefer alive. Hartmano is pretty pissed that Hector is cramping his style, but he assents and they board the plane. Hartmano is incredibly short. What he lacks in stature, he makes up for in pure eeeeeeevil.