Episode Report Card Heathen: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From L.A.
By Heathen | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.01.2003
Gael calls Hector just long enough to give us YET ANOTHER reminder that there's a helicopter and a Kiefer and a Hartmano and they're being chased and blah blah blah, we know, and can the network PLEASE stop giving them notes that the show is too hard for new viewers to understand? Gael tries to get our interest back by declaring that everything is going to happen in the next few minutes. Hector hangs up and Angelina stares outside, lips twitching from collagen withdrawal.
Spawn asks Adam The Woman Hater what Chappelle said in the meeting. He's all, none of your business, Crap Underling. Actually, Adam WTH says, "He said a lot of things," which is almost as satisfying a brush-off. Spawn is troubled that she can't stick her especially enormous nose into this business. "Are they shooting down my father?" Spawn demands. Spawn? Go home. "If they have to, yeah," Adam WTH says. "But if they can contact him first, it won't come to that." Potato Face, figuring it's been a long time since anyone's logged her general incompetence, pipes up for the official record that she's still not making progress getting a signal, and that it's a wonder she's still employed. "We've got to get through," Adam WTH says pointlessly. Then maybe someone else should be working on it.
Bitchelle summons Spawn and tells her to go home until after they've blown up her father. "I'm qualified to handle the work, Bitchelle," Spawn sniffs. Since when? Since she got her two-year degree before getting a high-level CTU job out of nepotism and bad plotting? The Spawn of old wouldn't know a computer, or qualifications, or what "nepotism" means, if someone ground them up into bullet form and put them in a gun that was pointed at her. Bitchelle points out that her qualifications are not at issue -- which they totally should be -- but rather they're worried that she's a bit too close to the subject. "I can control my emotions," Spawn says, too stupid to point out that Bitchelle's reasoning is flawed when you consider that she chose to work through her husband's surgery. And then, we're treated to one more fucking recap, because by now, we still might not be completely sure that Kiefer has Hartmano, or that Kontagious Kyle is in quarantine, and that this information might stop Kiefer from escaping with Hartmano, and STOP DUMBING DOWN THE SHOW. Bitchelle points out to Spawn that there's a real chance they won't reach Kiefer. "Potato Face and Adam The Woman Hater are getting there, and I can help them," Spawn lies. Uh-huh. Like she helped abet the prison break without notifying a superior. Bitchelle lets her stay anyway. Chappelle emerges from a dark corner and hisses that if they end up firing on Kiefer, he wants Spawn gone. I wish he'd go ahead and fire her -- that would get her out of the building.