Episode Report Card Heathen: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From L.A.
By Heathen | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.01.2003
Major Blowhard announces that there's one minute left. Chappelle's phone rings; it's Palmer, wanting to know why they can't get the chopper down without incinerating Kiefer's sinewy bod. "Kiefer won't communicate with us. He's forcing our hand," Chappelle says. Palmer fondly recalls the last time Kiefer forced his hand -- that afternoon in Acapulco, the Mai Tais, the sauna -- and sadly asks how much time they have so that he can think for another minute about how to explain this to feisty David Jr. "In sixty seconds he'll be out of reach," Chappelle says. Palmer swallows hard, silently thanks Kief for the memories, and gives the authorization to fire. "Major, shoot him down," Chappelle says immediately.
Just as Blowhard gives the order, though, Kiefer drops the kopter closer to the buildings. Basically, he's outwitted the enemy. They scramble to get a shot before it's too late, but alas, they can't, because the show isn't ballsy enough to kill Kiefer. "He's reached the downtown core," one of the pilots says.
Chappelle trots out into CTU's main room and announces that they're falling back to Plan B, so all ground units should prepare to swarm Kiefer. "I want to be on top of him," he announces. Get in line. Spawn chomps on one of her fingernails. Eat a sandwich instead, Spawn. You need to gain weight so your schnozz no longer dominates the rest of you. Special Agent Charlie Brown gets up in Potato Face's grill about not having isolated a frequency, but she's close; meanwhile, the KieferKopter touches down in the middle of a busy street and kauses kars to kreatively swerve. "Any second now, Charlie," Potato Face insists. "I need to get to him before he lands!" Charlie panics. Too late: Potato Face gets the signal and Charlie delivers the message, but as it comes through the radio, we see that Kiefer and Hartmano have exited the chopper and fled into a subway station as amused extras watch. We smash to black at 06:26:09 figuring they'll be pretty pissed when the train dumps them out in the Valley somewhere and they realize that they're…in the Valley.
At 06:30:33, Bitchelle watches the feed of Tony's operation, and Kontagious Kyle's parents show up to watch the V-I-R-U-S stand up and giggle, "Your son: It's what's for dinner." Andrea explains that their options are very limited. Her voice sounds like she's swallowed three cartons of cigarettes. Papa Kyle is a little confused by all this, so Andrea explains that if Kyle's got the V-I-R-U-S, they can't cure him, so they just have to wait and see what happens. Papa Kyle wants to know how long it'll take to kill Kyle. "Hours, not days," Andrea apologizes. Mama Kyle is stricken. Kyle stares at them from inside his chamber of doom. Papa Kyle wants to see him, and Mama Kyle has the regularly scheduled moment of "no, I can't do it, aaaah," because if she doesn't do that, Papa Kyle can't grab her and say something trite like, "He has to know we're not angry with him," and if he doesn't say that, she won't nod grudgingly and stagger over to the wall so she can say goodbye to her very stupid child. As it happens, these things do all fall into place, and Andrea escorts them to the intercom.