Episode Report Card Heathen: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From L.A.
By Heathen | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.01.2003
Spawn works away in the room, but then has the wherewithal to check the monitors and notices that Crystal Gael is busy talking to someone elsewhere. Figuring that this is prime snooping time, Spawn restores the program Crystal Gael didn't properly quit, and sees six video feeds pop up -- one of which is of the Piquante Plane. It's all very suspicious. She's alarmed, and projects the plane feed onto a bigger screen. This room is very Minority Report. Spielberg should get royalties.
The screens split: Hartmano smiles smarmily inside Piquante Plane, an unconscious Kiefer is lying on the floor, and the jet takes off just as newscasters continue talking about Palmer and Dr. Anne. At the drug ranch, PoorMan'sAngelinaJolie continues staring off the balcony into the middle distance, because she looks more like the cover of a smut novel this way. Finally, back at CTU, Spawn advances the footage she's watching and sees the KrotchRocket pull up, and Kiefer get knocked out and dragged onto the plane. She gasps. This is where I'd have been compulsively checking the monitors to locate Crystal Gael, quit the program immediately, and exited the room to give Bitchelle a low-key heads-up to detain Crystal Gael and search his office. But this is Spawn, so she completely forgets she's snooping and just gawks at what she sees. Then Spawn hears someone reenter the room, assumes it's Adam for no good reason, and wails, "Adam, there's something seriously wrong…" And, of course, she comes face to face with Crystal Gael. God, Spawn is dumb. Why wouldn't it enter her head that it might be Crystal entering his own office? Crystal smiles coldly at her and says that he just remembered he forgot to quit his program. Then he pulls a pistol out and points it at Spawn, who is once again trapped by her own uselessness and lack of intellect. I guess at least it took her longer to get herself into trouble -- a full six hours this time -- but the fact remains that she is dumber than a box of hair that's been coughed up by a deranged village idiot.
The time is 06:59:57…58…59…07:00:00. And now back to your regularly scheduled recapper.