Episode Report Card Heathen: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From L.A.
By Heathen | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.01.2003
Kyle gets off his bed and stumbles toward the clear wall. "Baby…" Mama Kyle says. Papa Kyle sadly tells his son that the doctor told them everything, and Mama Kyle gets all twittery and decides maybe it's not as bad as the doctors think. "They're not wrong," Kyle sniffles. "I deserve what I'm getting." Papa Kyle busts out the entirely overused "you deserved a better father" line, and then follows up with the hackneyed "if I'd provided for my family you wouldn't have tried to sell drugs/turned to prostitution/sold your organs" approach. He's tearing up at the sheer heft of his addiction to clichés. Kyle, though, drank some Trite Juice this morning, too, so he sobs that he loves his parents and that they make him feel safe, even now. "You did the best you could, Dad," Kyle cries. Mama Kyle seems half-sad, half-scared that the way this scene is going, she's going to be expected to slam herself against the glass and scream, "NOT MY BABY…NOOOO…" before slumping to the ground in a convulsive fit. To head this off, she and Papa Kyle run up to the glass and touch it; Kyle does the same, and they wail a little in unison.
Special Agent Charlie Brown parks his car where the KieferKopter is and stresses out that it's empty. A cop says that witnesses saw them running into the subway, and two trains have since left, both of which are being searched. Charlie knows Kiefer is smarter than that, so ironically, he puts in a call to the dumbest thing Kiefer ever did: Spawn. "CTU Bauer," Spawn says. No, she's not flaunting her name at ALL. Charlie asks her for the schematics of the Pershing Square subway station. "What's going on, Charlie?" she asks. None of your business, low-level skank. Just shut up and do your work. Oh, but Charlie doesn't hate her -- yet -- so he gives her a polite answer about Kiefer's escape and explains that they're on the run in the station. Spawn checks the blueprints and says there's a secret exit in an alley off Sixth Street, which of course Kiefer would know without checking, because he's Kiefer. Even his sneezes contain useful information. Spawn tells Charlie it's a block away and he's better off on foot because the streets are one-way nightmares, and he hangs up and takes off sprinting. This of course leads to a shot of him playing Frogger with the traffic, all of which squeals and screeches and spins around him but never hits him.
Spawn tells Bitchelle about Charlie's phone call, and Bitchelle tells her to copy all the other field agents on this information. "I did," Spawn says, all full of self-righteousness and confidence, as if her hair isn't the biggest mistake since Bride skipped a pill. There's an awkward pause where Bitchelle tries to continue working without acknowledging Spawn, who can't handle not being in the know. "They know not to use lethal force, right?" she frets. Bitchelle's shrugs that their mandate hasn't changed. Instead of sending Spawn home for being in no position to think clearly on this issue, Bitchelle instead softens and turns toward Spawn and says, "But now that they're on the ground they can probably [get them] without harming your father." Spawn nods and leaves.