Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | 186 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome To Fantathy Thithtern!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 2003.10.26
Piper opens the door to find fashion fiend Mary standing on the front porch, along with some blonde thing who's stuffed into a too-tight sleeveless pink turtleneck. Once they've crossed the threshold, a gaggle of nearly a dozen other nittering twits follows them into the hall. Mary's gone ahead and invited these others, you see, because she knew Piper's a fucking doormat who wouldn't have the balls to call her on it. Which is pretty amusing in its own way. I mean, if Piper really wanted normal friends, this is precisely how so many of them would behave, after all. And wouldn't you know, Mary was spot-on regarding Piper's doormat status. The Manor drudge just waves all of the uninvited guests towards the parlor before assuring Mary that she's been looking forward to the private show all week. Mary giggles that Piper'll love her new line of lingerie. Piper cautiously replies that as long as she herself doesn't have to model any of it, she's certain everything will be lovely. Mary cocks a brow to reveal she doesn't design women's underthings just as three GAY MALE STRIPPERS lope in through the front door. Mary passes a bag to The GAY MALE STRIPPER With The Speaking Part, who asks, "Where do we change?" Piper goggles and sputters that her bedroom's free. Bamp-chicka-bamp-ew. The merry GAY MALE STRIPPERS head upstairs as Piper collapses against the front door with the vapors, or something. And save the emails. I don't want to hear how you've been best friends with Alex Estornel since grade school, so you know he's not a GAY MALE STRIPPER. He is now. Deal.
Over at the nursing home, Raige and poor Kathryn Joosten assist the elderly magician as he attempts to pull a rabbit out of a hat. "Where's the rabbit?" he asks. "It died last year, dear," poor Kathryn Joosten replies. The fuck? Was that supposed to be funny? No, I'm serious: Was that supposed to be funny? Amusing? Comical? Witty? Droll? Well? I'm waiting. Okay, then. Fuck you sideways, because I've got a Glimmering Wave Of Madcap Demonic Mojo to recap as it shimmies through the room, and I don't have time to wait for your response. Bastards. As the wave hits Raige, she staggers backwards a bit as if dazed by its passing. Once it's disappeared, the elderly magician collapses to the carpet, clutching at his chest. Raige, Kathryn Joosten, and a nurse who once gave the injured Colethazor a lift hover over him with levels of concern that vary from great (Kathryn) to mild (Raige) to nil (Nurse Wretched). "It's his heart!" Kathryn shouts. "Charley, can you hear me?" Raige bellows for someone to call an ambulance, but Kathryn wails, "We don't have time for an ambulance -- just use your magic and orb him to the hospital!" Nurse Wretched agrees. "You know?" Raige stammers. "That you're a witch?" Nurse Wretched asks. "Everybody knows," she shrugs, taking in the room with her eyes. The tangle of surly geriatrics who'd been enduring the failed magic show vigorously nod their heads. "We're running out of time," Kathryn pleads. "All right," Raige caves. "Just keep it a secret, okay?" Raige dissolves into a cloud of orbs with Charley and shoots up towards the ceiling.