Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This/Sucks
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.09.2005
No opening travelogue, really, as the camera pretty much leaps over a hill to circle one of the Golden Gate Bridge's towers, upon which three tiny white-clad figures can been seen standing high above the traffic. Heh. They've never pulled that before, and I'm ashamed I've never noticed. By the way, Julian McMahon's name was the first to appear in the guest scroll at the bottom of the screen. So much for the big surprise. Which they've been relentlessly promoting for the last three months, but whatever. The shot cuts down to the top of the bridge, and we learn that the ever-useless Elders have sent down Elizabeth Dennehy and Elder Q for this little confab with the Dolt. Elizabeth Dennehy admits that "the Council" was unable to reach a decision on the Dolt's fate. "So," the Dolt wonders, "I'm not gonna be punished?" "We didn't say that, you dumbass," Elder Q sniffs, though the "dumbass" bit is, of course, merely implied in his tone. His fabulous, fabulous tone. Elizabeth and Elder Q then tag-team their way through the following explanation of "the Council's" decision: While everyone understands how Gideon's hateful fifteen-episode storyline virtually forced the Dolt to join the Avatars, they cannot simply excuse the Dolt's betrayal of his colleagues. "The Council has come to realize," Elizabeth continues alone, "that the central problem is your effort to balance two distinctly different worlds -- yours with us, and yours with Piper." "So the only solution," Elder Q adds, "is to find out which world you truly belong in once and for all." The Dolt's completely befuddled. Go figure. Long story short, the ever-useless Elders have devised a "test" for the Dolt which should reveal which path he will take henceforward. The Dolt will be stripped of both his powers and his memory and set down in a location far, far from San Francisco. If he finds his way back to Piper, he will be allowed to live out his days with her as a mortal with no further interference from the ever-useless Elders. If he cannot, it will be assumed that his destiny is Up There, and he will never see his family again. We all know how this is going to end, right? PiPeR+LeO=2getha4EVAH!!!!1!!11! So, why the fuck did they waste an hour of airtime on something with so obvious a foregone conclusion? There is no tension whatsoever in this episode. None at all. Yaaaaaaawn.
God, I hate this show.