Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 76 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT To Any Port or Foreign Shore
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 10.22.2013
Hanna: "Why are you crying?"
Miranda: "Just random thoughts about my dead parents. I totally forgot I went to their funeral and a dude asked me to forgive him. Maybe he was my uncle? But then why was I in foster care?"
Hanna: "That's weird, my orphan boyfriend also had plenty of uncles and parents all over the place. Listen, you don't know me very well but part of me being Hanna Marin is that I am now your best friend, and I will help you get answers out of your uncle as soon as we are out of danger. Got it?"
Miranda: "That's actually really comforting, thanks."
Hanna: "Have a hug, and now let's move our asses."
Miranda: "Okay but first one more psychic weird thing. I gotta grab this treasure map."
Actually it's not a treasure map, it's a thing we are going to see in a minute: A flyer for a dead person's funeral, which makes sense because one of the many things that this house is, is a funeral parlor. But for whom?
UPSTAIRS
Emily and Aria make their way to an open window, which they lean way out of to see what the ground situation is; they don't hear the jagged edge of the broken window about to slam down on their perfect necks.
Emily: "I'll climb down this trellis with jock power, and..."
Aria: "And what? Go tell everybody that we are on a mission to save our dead friend who keeps dying but not being dead? Or maybe just that we are trapped in a haunted house that drips blood and..."
They lean out again and the glass gets closer, and then Emily is half-in, half-out of the window. Only another scream from Alison -- "You can't keep me here!" -- distracts them long enough from being chopped to death by the haunted window.
Wait, where is Spencer?
SPOOKY GREENHOUSE
Looking for the sounds of Ali while her friends are getting chopped and diced and phone boothed. In the solarium, Spencer pricks her finger on a thorn out of nowhere, probably putting all of Ravenswood to sleep for a hundred years. I can't wait to see what their nightmares are like in this town. How could you even tell?
Gasmask surprises her from behind, but she takes his grunting, groaning ass out with some giant garden shears. Notably, she slices his hand open across the palm, and just when you think she's going to leave him there like they always do, she remembers the time she stupidly got institutionalized for assuming that Toby's ass was dead even though it was just a random dude, and she kneels down... Only to be knocked out by a sudden Gasmask attack, who grabs her hand before she can un(gas)mask him and then knocks her out and then picks up the garden shears his own self.