Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 76 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT To Any Port or Foreign Shore
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 10.22.2013
Miranda: "...Actually fuck it. I'm getting off this bus right now. If my uncle turns out to be a churchbell-stealing werewolf it'll just be the last straw."Ogre: "Oh, you're getting off at this stop too? Perfect, I will make you into a soup stock."
Miranda: "...Caleb, once again I have changed my mind and will be staying on the bus."
Caleb: "Good call."
Ogre: "Now I am even sadder than before."
HANNA
Makes her way through a gaslight necropolis, calling for Spencer and eventually coming across blood/lipstick writing on a wall that says HELP ME! She removes her lace glove to see if it's still wet, and her flapper hat covers up almost her face so now she is also mostly boobs. The lights go out, and then it's just rats upon rats.
Screaming and running past all the scary statues from before, slowly realizing it's not just a secret death city under the universe of witches, but also some kind of maze, Hanna finds herself at some steps up to an old-timey door, which opens into a house full of clinking chandeliers, candles both flame and electric, and a huge dusty piano with a spotlight on it. She takes a minute to get her shit together, then heads out into the gorgeous mansion -- possibly hotel? -- to have more experiences.
Once she's gone, Ezra (presumably) shuts the fallboard on the piano, Darth Vadering into his gas mask like a hyperventilating lunatic.
THE GATES
Miranda: "Anyway, it was nice meeting you. I guess see you around once you determine that you live here now."
Caleb: "Can I walk you to your uncle's house? I'm sure Hanna will be fine. It's not like rats are chasing her through a buried city of the dead or anything."
Miranda: "No, but let's keep in touch. Assuming we both live through the next half-hour. Here's a kiss on the forehead, transferred from my hand. It is a magic spell I just invented."
Caleb: "Wait, are you a crazy person?"
Miranda: "Kooky. But also lightheaded, due to never snagging that ogre's Fritos."
She goes, literally whistling past the graveyard, and past that giant whopper of an angel statue that's all I've been dreaming about for months now.
HAUNTED MANSION
Hanna still can't get bars, stomping through the empty hallways in her gorgeous gown, and as the clock strikes crazy o'clock, she finds a room full of ticking and strange sounds, including a screen behind which there is a telephone. Dialtone! Confronted with a rotary telephone, a thing she has probably never seen in her life, Hanna slowly dials each painfully slow number... But then the phone booth closes itself on her!