Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Baby's First Sucky Episode
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.29.2003
Raige changes the subject, proposing they embark upon "a good old-fashioned demon hunt." Piper and the Dolt immediately shoot her down. With Phoebe tied up at work, Piper would either have to lug the Precious Log along or leave It alone in the Manor, neither of which is a viable option. Besides, the Dolt adds, they have no idea what they're hunting. During this discussion, The Log bleats from the bassinet, and Piper automatically rises from the sofa to change Its diaper. They've swapped in one of the real babies for the scene, by the way. I think it's the Asian one. Piper sends Raige off to fetch The Mystical Crysticals Of Demonic Entrapment from the attic just as the telephone rings. It's Phoebe, calling to check up on her nephew, so the Dolt fills her in on the pre-credits attack. Phoebe's horrified and more than a little irritated they didn't call her as soon as it happened. She vows to return to the Manor immediately, after informing her boss she'll be working from home for the rest of the day. The Dolt splutters impotently -- natch -- as Phoebe slams down the phone.
Over in Elise's office, Dane's clearly been hitting the pipe, for he promises to snag a Pulitzer in the next year or something, like, dial your expectations down eight or nine notches, Chronic The Hedgehog. I'll admit I paid scant attention to his little diatribe, because you know what? All this newspaper nonsense? Is simply establishing another rebound romance for the Feebs, and as such doesn't even rate as a B plot in tonight's episode, so I'll cut to the chase: Phoebe barges into the meeting to announce her departure. Elise and Chronic order her to remain in the office to whip up some ideas for expanding her content. Phoebe pouts. Scene.
Back at the Manor, Piper leads the Dolt onto the sun porch to fret quietly about The Log's demonically threatened future. The Dolt tries to convince her of children's innate "resilience," but Piper insists that The Log can sense the free-floating anxiety in the house, and she's worried they'll wind up with "a neurotic infant" on their hands. Thank God Holly Marie Combs carefully enunciated that phrase, by the way. The Dolt cracks that, given the close proximity of The Log's addled aunts, It would've ended up neurotic sooner or later, especially with Phoebe clomping around half-naked all the time. Or maybe that last bit was just me. The discussion comes to a screeching halt when The Log's alarm blares as Raige hurtles through the air to land face-first in one of the wicker chairs. Piper races into the parlor to discover a black-clad extra telekinetically propelling the force-field-encased bassinet towards the front windows with some sort of flaring demonic tractor beam as the Hawker watches in silent if apprehensive approval. Piper flies through the frame to snatch the crib out of the air while the Dolt tackles the intruders to the floor. Raige allows the Dolt to scamper to his feet before she slams the last Mystical Crystical into formation around the Hawker and his hired gun. The Crysticals erupt, and the feckless demonic forces vanish in a blaze of bright white light. "Guess I overcharged them," Raige guhs before retrieving the Hawker's dagger from the floor.