Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Baby's First Sucky Episode
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.29.2003
With the alarm situation sorted out, Piper and Phoebe prepare to transport themselves over to Swinezits. Piper, however, still finds it difficult to tear herself away from The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log. "It's just so hard to leave," she bleats. We get a shot of the infant-loopy Feebs resting her head on The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log's belly. Pause. "It's so hard to make Phoebe leave," Piper snits. Heh. "You take care of him," she instructs her husband. "I mean it -- one hair out of place? You. Me. Issues." Piper. Sweetheart. You? Him? More issues than the Chicago Public Library's periodicals archive, regardless of The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log's health. But that's a story for another episode, I suppose. The Dolt assures the wimminfolk he'll immediately orb The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log out of harm's way should the need arise. The screen flashes white, and…
…we're back in Golden Gate Park. A Flaming Ball Of You Will Be Knocked On Your Bony Derriere Now shoots past Phoebe's head as she and Piper emerge from the mist into Pigscabs's clearing. The remaining enforcer squiggles out of his tree to confront the Glamorous Gals. "Who are you?" he demands. "I'm the mother," Piper sneers, seething with barely contained anger and contempt. She deploys the Hands Of Discontent, and the remaining enforcer hurtles backwards through the portal, which zaps open as his body flies through. Piper and Phoebe storm into Swinezits, with Piper demanding, "Which one of you dirtbags put the bounty on my baby?" The assembled demonic throng just sort of gapes all, "Who's the hippy bitch?" Crazy Grace's face emerges from the gloom to eye the scene with growing unease as Piper starts blowing up demons left and right.
Meanwhile, up in Chez Suck, The Albino Twins stare down at the supernatural fireworks below for a moment before pulling a combined flare-and-smear exit from the apartment. Piper and Phoebe clomp over to the building as we zip back over to the Manor, where the Dolt's paging through a novel as Raige's alarm system goes off once more. He kneels at The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log's bassinet to tell the caterwauling kid/chunk of wood that "Mommy will be home soon." The Albino Twins slink up behind him to suck all the dolty goodness out of his scary, gigantic gargoyle head. Brian Krause unleashes his patented Constipated Chimpanzee Face Of Unbearable Anguish And Torment before dropping out of the frame. The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log's screams escort us into the final commercial break.