Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Baby's First Sucky Episode
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.29.2003
Phoebe and Piper are, quite naturally, aghast. Crazy Grace calmly turns towards the door to address them. "Your sister's powers have been restored," she states, as evenly as one so cracked can manage. "I represent those in power, and rest assured, a law will be passed forbidding any further attempts on your child." Piper, suspicious, wonders, "What do you stand to gain?" "Nothing," Crazy Grace replies. "You have proven that the costs of a war will far outweigh the benefits." And that's a line that never would have made it into the final edit were GOP sweetheart Shannen "Do Me, Dubya!" Doherty still with the show. "Consider this our…white flag," Crazy Grace continues, offering Piper the embroidered blanket. "Now I suggest you rest well and preserve your energies. From what I've foreseen, you're going to need them." And with that, Crazy Grace rays out.
God. Damn! Best scene in this entire wretched train wreck of an episode, and the best scene on this godforsaken series in quite a long while. We love the Crazy Grace.
So, where was I? Oh, yeah: Piper and the Feebs indulge in some pointless mutual admiration before heading back to the Manor.
Manor parlor, and we're back to the BabyCam as the Feebs makes with her "I could eat you up!" shtick one more time. "Phoebe?" Piper none-too-gently interrupts. "After the demonic parasites that kind of did want to eat him up? Not so cute." "Gotcha!" replies the Feebs before modifying her infant-loopy schtick to, "Oooh! I could just smoosh you! I could just smoosh your widdle face!"
I hate this episode.
The Manor Four commence with the Lessons Of The Week. Raige apologizes for trying to solve a problem on her own, Piper apologizes for neglecting her duties in favor of quality time with her newborn, and Phoebe realizes that an aunt and a mother are two very different things. I think. Piper's also finally decided on a name for The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log: "Wyatt Matthew," in honor of both the Dolt and Raige. ["And, presumably, the Ilan Mitchell-Smith character in Weird Science." -- Sars] Personally, I've grown quite fond of The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log, which has an endearing, mangled, badly back-translated quality to it, but if any of you have a better nickname for The Doltine Cracker -- and I know you do -- head to the forums and post your suggestion in the "Son Of A Witch!" thread. In any event, Phoebe hoists the kid out of his bassinet and passes him to Piper so that Ma can ask him if he likes his new name. By way of response, The Non-Asian/Asian Precious Done One Log dims all the lights in the house save for a spot that illuminates his family. Well, that's what it looked like, at any rate. Weird thing going on with the lighting at the end of that scene.