Episode Report Card Chuck: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dog Doo
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.26.2002
McManus introduces the program to the inmates. Poet bitches about dogs in Oz, since he got bitten by one as a kid; Redding says he probably deserved to get bitten, and Hill muses that perhaps a dog will take his mind off his problems. Ryan thinks the "mutts are drug sniffers," but Alvarez and Penders decide to sign up despite Ryan's misgivings. Cyril asks Ryan if they can get a dog, but Ryan refuses. Because he's already got someone to follow him around, panting and eager.
Alvarez walks in for his interview with PrettyDogLady; he immediately starts playing with the requisite dog, so we know he'll get the job. PrettyDogLady expresses concern about Alvarez's record; he draws her attention to a guard he blinded (complete with flashback of horrific screaming, hollow eye sockets, and bloody flesh) and says that's why he needs to join the program. Because the hot color this season is atonement. Plus, says Alvarez, stroking his new friend, the dog already picked me, as the camera pans down to the dog lying on its side, right front paw raised, a look of absolute terror in its eyes, and you just know it's thinking, "If I can just endure this for a few more seconds, I'll get a cookie. I like cookies. Do I look fat in this leash? God, I hate my job."
Alvarez, Penders, and Hill signed up; Alvarez, Penders, and Hill were chosen. I mean, why waste time with superfluity? There three men walk into the cafeteria to meet their new charges; Penders immediately lunges for his "bitch," but PrettyDogLady explains that she'll assign the dogs and that the men will refer to them as such. And she actually picked Penders for this? Oh, yeah -- nobody else signed up. PrettyDogLady tells the men that the program is designed to teach the dogs -- and the men, ho ho ho -- obedience. More importantly, they must teach the dogs love and trust -- to be comfortable around all human beings. Alvarez's breasts are looking particularly large in this scene. Penders is just gross. Hill ascertains that the dogs will live with the men in their pods; Alvarez wonders how they will protect the dogs from the other inmates. Showcasing a level of optimism and misplaced trust shocking for a woman accustomed to working in the prison system, PrettyDogLady answers, "Love and trust." Alvarez indicates that neither exists in Oz, but PrettyDogLady just wants to dogs off her hands, right now. Amidst the expected jokes, the men bring their dogs back to Em City. Guerra marches up to Alvarez and asks if his dog has learned about pain; Alvarez warns him to stay away from the dog. Guerra taunts Alvarez for being afraid for his dog as he leans down; the dog, of course, growls and barks, and Guerra beats a hasty retreat as the other prisoners laugh.