Episode Report Card Chuck: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dog Doo
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.26.2002
And then the one lawyer in the state barges into Pete's office, where she finds Beecher. They shove their tongues down one another's throats as Katherine tells Beecher that Pete has asked her to talk to another inmate: Keller. Beecher doesn't like the idea one bit, but Katherine wants to check out the legendary Keller in the flesh. Beecher loves Katherine, but Katherine knows that Beecher also still loves Keller. Beecher, looking a little green, worries that Katherine will fall in love with the seductive Keller too. She's ready to take that risk. "Besides," she says, "I can't pass up the opportunity to meet my boyfriend's boyfriend." While reaching for "edgy and progressive," Katherine McClain has done an ungainly face-plant into "stupid."
Buzz. Scene change. Claire hands Keller a bag of contraband Atomic Fireballs; he thanks her, because he needs "a little something to suck on." Why not try Claire's dick? The flirting begins -- Claire says that Leo will have her ass if he finds out she smuggled in the candy. Keller lies, "What a nice ass it is." Ew. Driving the point home with a tit-grab. Claire tells Keller he's a bad boy; Keller says, "Spank me." Oh, just do it already. Watching Keller and Claire make dirty talk approaches the poop smoothie in terms of appeal. Thankfully, Keller's boyfriend's girlfriend arrives to break up the verbal tango. After shooing the guards away, she cuts to the chase and asks if he killed the three guys. Keller moves from raunch boy to poet philosopher as he tells Katherine that he has nothing but time and that he's not afraid to die, but wants to die for the right reason. And what would that be, Rimbaud? Love. Katherine mentions their mutual fuck buddy; Keller says that Beecher wrote to him that he loved her. She then outlines her dilemma -- if Keller dies, then he's just a memory. If he lives, he and Beecher get reunited. Keller says he knows she'll do everything she can to get him off (heh heh) since, if she loves Beecher as much as Keller does, she'll want him to be happy, and being reunited with Keller will make him happy. Well, great. Makes perfect sense -- a virtual threesome in which Katherine will be the go-between. And a case in which she'll have a completely unprofessional bias. She's smart. Which she confirms by shaking on their partnership, after Keller denies that he killed those three men.
Next, it's an unpleasant and gratuitous rape scene involving two guys and a girl on a playground. And that's all the description I'm prepared to offer. The rapists are frat boys Franklin Winthrop (who looks like the love child of Leif Garrett and Kids in the Hall's Bruce McCulloch) and Adam Guenzel. Sentenced to twenty-eight years, up for parole in seven. Franklin gets Unit B; Adam gets Beecher (and a host of catcalls as his new mentor leads him through Em City). When they enter the pod, Adam reveals that this will be the first time he's ever had to make his own bed, and I hate him even more than I already did. Beecher assures Adam that nothing has prepared him for life in Oz, and promises to be there for him as The Countdown To Love begins. Turns out that Adam's dad was Beecher's scoutmaster (which must mean that Adam's dad is really old). Adam tells Beecher that he and Franklin were partying with the girl they raped, that he blacked out and never meant to hurt her (he did NOT look drunk in the rape scene). Beecher reminds him that he did hurt her, and not to forget that, because his grief will keep him sane. Beecher suggests that Adam fumble through his first bed-making attempt, promising to introduce him around after he completes this mission.