Episode Report Card Chuck: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dog Doo
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.26.2002
Cyril's big, hairy face sings Old MacDonald Had A Farm. Betty Buckley fondles him as she adheres to the highly-acclaimed Lying-On-A-Mat-While-I-Press-On-You vocal training curriculum. Cyril's farmer has cars on his farm. Rusty shells on blocks, I'm willing to bet. Betty Buckley giggles up a storm as Ryan arrives and begins making fun of Cyril. They are bonding, because they are a family. Betty Buckley chides Ryan for not trying, but he surprises her by saying he's got a little "sump'in sump'in" that he might "bust out at the variety show." Oh, so now they're doing a variety show. Great. And he really did say "sump'in sump'in" without a hint of irony. Then he asks Mama if she thinks families need to be completely honest. Yes, she lies, because that is what a Good Mother would say. If she and Ryan's father had been honest and open, who knows what heights they could have reached. Ryan muses about how his life would be so different, in this dreamy voice, and even though she warns him not to romanticize things, you can see him wishing he didn't have a retarded brother. He wants to tell her some of the things he's done since he's been in Oz, and warns her that they're pretty awful. She thinks telling her may help him make sense of them himself. But what she really wants is to see his "sump'in sump'in." Which turns out to be an embarrassing breakdance number a la Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Cyril stands on his head, and Betty Buckley claps like a seal.
Alvarez walks his dog by a table where Kenmin tells Li Chen that today is the day that the O'Reily brothers must die. "But if you can only get one, get Ryan. We can whack the tard once the older brother's dead," he says. Some long-haired stoner dude tells Ryan that he heard Li say he was going to rape his mother, which pretty much seals his fate. Ryan strides over and confronts Kenmin, who says that Li's out of control. Ryan charges up to Li and shanks him in the back; Li turns and punches Ryan; Ryan falls to the floor, and Cyril picks up where he left off, grabbing the shank and stabbing Li. The guards drag Cyril away, screaming, and then they show a body bag rolling by, so Li must be dead. McManus looks concerned as he tongue-lashes Ryan and Cyril with the help of Murphy and Pete. Ryan pleads impending mommy-rape; McManus wants proof and sends Cyril to solitary, since he's a killing machine. The hacks arrive to take Cyril away. Cyril resists mightily as Ryan calls McManus a "cocksucker." But McManus, in hard-ass drag, tells Ryan to save it, since Cyril's either headed for the insane asylum or death row. Oh, yeah, and you're off to the cage. Pete steps in to say that Ryan might be telling the truth, but McManus is all, "Ryan? Truth? As if." Cyril's solitary cell has a window. And a bed. And he's dressed. And very sorry.