Episode Report Card Chuck: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dog Doo
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.26.2002
And Betty Buckley warbles "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot." With her eyes closed. And her voice reverberating through the cafeteria. As Slowmar looks on, rapt. At least they've assigned a different guard to these sessions -- one who can walk at a nice clip. Slowmar's worried that Betty Buckley wants him to sing like her, which I'd really love to see -- Slowmar's voice trilling in falsetto -- but Betty Buckley says she just wants him to enjoy it as much as she does. What -- the sound of her own voice? Slowmar says he does enjoy it, that the last few lessons have rocked, which, based on Betty Buckley dirge-like singing pace, I have difficulty imagining. This rockin' lesson's over, so Slowmar, after exchanging a ghetto-shake with Betty Buckley, heads back to Em City, singing all the way, until Murphy tells him to shut up, which seems like kind of a dick maneuver, since McManus's special pet has just found something that interests him, but then again I'd probably do the same thing if Slowmar sang in my vicinity. Guerra walks up and asks if Slowmar takes requests, because he'd really like to hear "Shut The Fuck Up" (a favorite tune of mine). Slowmar summons his mantra, "I will not fight," and as Guerra slams Slowmar against the wall, Said steps in and warns Guerra to leave Slowmar alone. Murphy breaks up the gathering storm; Said warns Slowmar to stay out of trouble, and Slowmar assures him that he's trying, but that Guerra accosted him. "Stop the finger-pointing, Omar," says Said. "All responsibility lies with you. And therefore on me. And I am not gonna have it." Man, those Muslims are harsh. I find finger-pointing an excellent way to avoid responsibility. Slowmar says he needs to practice, because practice will make him perfect. That I doubt. Said says to run away whenever trouble walks into the room; Slowmar worries about the effect of fleeing on his reputation, and Said tells Slowmar that the only person Slowmar's reputation matters with is the Minister himself. And stepping over whatever the line happens to be today means a quick trip back to solitary.
Cut to Said marching into McManus's office to tell him that Slowmar's doing pretty well -- staying out of trouble, staying off of drugs, whining minimally, focused on the singing. But, says Said, Slowmar's getting lots of bunk from the other guys for the singing, so he can only practice in the pod they share. And Said needs silence to pray. So, while Said wants support him, Slowmar needs somewhere else to practice. McManus tells Said that he'll do some math, and Said's looks at him like, "What the fuck are you talking about, math? Just get the jive turkey and his grating tenor out of my friggin' pod. Math, my black ass." But he just says, "Thank you," and walks out.