Episode Report Card Chuck: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dog Doo
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.26.2002
More Viking goodness. They weren't all vicious brutes, says Hill. Some were actually pretty smart. They were good shipbuilders, for instance. So good that Leif Erickson landed in America first, sailing, some say, as far south as New York. And here's the smart part -- they took one look at New York Harbor and turned around and went home. And they wore those neat hats.
At mealtime, Beecher recaps Busmalis's letter-writing campaign to save Miss Sally's Schoolyard, feigning incredulity to hide the fact that he's wearing the big, ugly exposition hat. I'm amazed it fits over his hair. Yes, says Busmalis, but the show is no longer in production, according to this letter I received from the station manager. Sad. But hostess Whitney Allen will soon be appearing in a new exercise show called Sallycize (yes, it will so be spelled that way). Happy! Busmalis, because he's a titanic loser, wonders if Norma will have a place on the new show, and confesses that he still hopes to hear from her (Beecher tried to force the exposition hat onto my head here, but I'm having none of it). Which he hasn't. The cafeteria breaks into a rousing chorus of the beloved chart-topper "Move On." Rebadow sits down, shifting the focus of the conversation to cancer-boy. Busmalis, now wearing two hats, wants to know if Rebadow told them about his impending cure-funding lottery windfall, but Rebadow says he decided not to, since it would raise hopes, and he's not even sure that Brass bought the ticket. Why, there's Brass now! Rebadow runs after him, and has little trouble catching up. Yes, says an exasperated Brass, I did buy your ticket, but now I have to limp over and pretend to break up this fight that just started, so you and your scarf should just step off.
Now on break, Brass heads over to Unit B to check out his old stomping grounds. Pepa, as a fellow C.O., tells Brass that she's got PMS (Pepa Minus Salt? Okay, I'm sorry. I just slapped myself) as Schillinger calls his name. The old coot's happy to see Brass's pale face, since there are too many black C.O.s for comfort. Brass wonders if Schillinger knows who cut him, but Schillinger was with Robson on work duty that day. Wasn't a white man, says Schillinger. That I know for sure. Then Martinez calls him over, and Brass, feeling all belle of the ball, walks toward his cell. Martinez asks if Brass drinks, and when Brass wonders if he wants to go "grab a couple of beers," Martinez chuckles, and suggests instead a "blood piss shit puke cocktail." Before Brass has time to consider how yummy that might be, he's wearing one, all over his face. Now that's beyond nasty. The father of Madonna's first child just threw an excreta smoothie all over Officer Dave Brass. That's got to mean something, but I can't quite figure out what it is. Perhaps I'll ask Mukada. Martinez is dragged away while Brass screams and wipes vigorously at his face but, miraculously, doesn't puke.