Episode Report Card 127 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT "Shiver Me Bitches!"
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 4 | Aired on 2004.10.03
This show is going to kill me.
The Doormat blithers something unhelpful as Piper arrives at the driver's-side door, burdened with both a breakfast tray and a faux-cheerful demeanor. She banters briefly with Pepper before freezing her in favor of having a few crucial words with the Doormat. Meanwhile, Phoebe exaggeratedly tiptoes down the Manor's front steps to her car. I have to admit, because Phoebe has been such an unbelievable dipshit for such a long time, I initially failed to realize that this blatant, sunlit skulking of hers was all part of Raige's cunning plan to distract the detectives, and so found myself yelling, "WHY don't you -- oh, I don't know -- tiptoe out the back door, you stupid, HATEFUL woman? Oh, I know why! Because this show is unbelievable ass, and I want to drop dead RIGHT NOW!" Regrettably, I misread Phoebe's motivation entirely, and this conspicuous march down to the sidewalk along with her subsequent slow crawl past the Doormat's sedan in her hideous Mini Cooper were both intentional. I still want to drop dead right now, though. Anyway, long story short, Piper pumps the reluctant Doormat for information regarding recent vanishings, and learns that twenty-two-year-old "Brenda Castillo" never returned to her apartment in the Heights the previous evening. Her "roommate" filed the report, but until Brenda's been gone for twenty-four hours, the cops can't do anything about it. "We'll find her in twelve," Piper vows before thanking him. "You're welcome," he steams, "now, would you unfreeze her?" Piper flicks a wrist around, and Pepper kicks back in with the sniping and such from the point at which she'd been so thankfully interrupted. Phoebe picks this moment to sweep by in her car, and Pepper peels on out of her parking spot to chase after the Feebs, in the process slinging Piper's carefully prepared breakfast tray to the street. "It's all right!" Piper shouts at the back end of the sedan. "I'll clean this up!" And then, shockingly, she totally doesn't, choosing instead to whip out her cell and bark, "Okay, [Raige], you're on. Brenda Castillo, the Heights."