Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 62 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT If Our World is Their Heaven
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.06.2013
Gross: "Cary, please eat him for lunch and make him hate himself."
Cary: "Done. Edelstein, are you kidding me? Can you even really call yourself a man?"
Edelstein: "I know. You look at the monster and you fight the monster and then you are the monster and then they make a movie about it."
Cary: "And you're up there just blithely talking about this shit, right? Do you estimate there were NSA people actually in the room at that moment? And you never heard a word about it, right? While you were mea culpa-ing your way to gray-hat status, you..."
Edelstein: "Do you think maybe it's because I caved?"
Cary: "No further questions."
Judge: "None needed. That shit was effective. NSA, do you have a magic potion or something that will reverse this course?"
NSA: "Actually we do, it's super creepy, but for now let's have a recess."
DELI
Assistant: "Mr. Gold, how Eli is this scene going to get with the intern? On a scale of like, slight leprechaun gamboling/capering vs. straight-up hobgoblin ululations. Where we at, what are we thinking?"
Eli Gold: "Motherfucker. It wasn't Margaritaville at all, it was Becca. I still wake up sweating sometimes thinking about this bitch."
Assistant: "That cute little girl? Come on."
Eli Gold: "She is seriously the scariest thing in the universe. You think I'm being dramatic, I'm not being dramatic. She's by far the worst person I could ever go to war with. Last time I saw her I blackmailed her about getting a teen abortion, Assistant."
Assistant: "That's fairly hardcore."
Eli Gold: "It wasn't enough! I just barely won that one! She laughed in my FACE!"
Eli and Becca step up 2 the streets at each other for a while, and she's got the gavel, and where did she get it -- can she walk through walls now? -- and she won't tell him why this is happening or what her endgame is or why she's suddenly here without James van der Beek in tow, and all of this, all of it, is so shadowy and scary and it pushes all of his Eli buttons and eventually he just snatches it out of her hands and tries to run, so she puts on a pout and gets the security guard to yell at Eli about it. All of the things Eli hates because kids can do them and grown men can't, and all he wants to do is kick her into space.
Eli, verbatim: "Peter and I have a problem, Alicia."