Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 62 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT If Our World is Their Heaven
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.06.2013
Cary: "Why are you stressing? Why are you fronting on me like I'm a criminal?"Kalinda: "You're taking ChumHum when you go. Right now, you're improving your position, at the expense of L/G."
Cary: "Uh, no. I'm doing my job as a lawyer for L/G."
Kalinda: "Because I won't give you my information if I think you're being gross. And trust me, it's Kalinda-type information. You want this information. You want to be informed by it."
Cary: "Any money we make on this case stays at L/G, so anything you've got helps L/G. Which by the way helps you, since she never dropped the hanky so you're not going anywhere."
JUDGE TAMBOR PRESIDING
He's back, he's the District Judge from last week, and he does not think that prior restraint works in this case for what seems like the obvious reason: NSA subpoenas are legal, and gag orders are required for national security.
Alicia: "Your Honor, we're changing our whole strategy because of Kalinda information."
Judge: "I know you. You were darling. Do they not have other lawyers in Chicago?"
Alicia: "We just had so much fun last time, we thought we'd do it again!"
Judge: "Women aren't funny."
Alicia: "Duly noted. Anyway, we're changing to selective enforcement."
NSA: "Are you calling us tacky?"
Alicia: "We are calling you tacky bitches. Plaintiffs call Patric Edelstein."
SIR EDELSTEIN OF SLEUTHWAY
Is the one that's not Neil "Future Husband" Gross, and is not Dylan "Bitcoinz" Stack. He's the Zuckerberg one where they were making the movie and it was too real, but also not real enough. That was a fun one, I loved that one. Anyway, he is in no mood.
Edelstein: "It's like you subpoenaed me during Tech Week just to be a dick."
Gross: "That's like a bonus. It's not mutually exclusive; I had multiple reasons."
L/G: "Anyway, tell me about these FISA warrants to get at your users' Facemails and Sleuthfaces and Chat-Ups."
NSA: "Actually that's classified."
Judge: "Gross, but sustained."
L/G: "Fine, that was just for texture. Patric, when was the last time you were gag-ordered about this shit?"
Edelstein: "Never."
Cary cues up a TED Talk Edelstein gave, wherein he goes, "I immediately caved to the NSA when they came knocking. Emails, data, phone calls -- less than a hundred, but still. I am not the man I thought I was."