Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Piper Halliwell, Ph.D
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.19.2005
Heimatshutz-Ministerium. Raige orbs in unannounced with Piper, startling the delightful federal agent, who splutters, "Y-you can't just --" Piper blows up his phone. Heh. Raige flips a little orbing telekinesis in the door's direction to flip the lock shut before Piper cuts to the chase: "You're not telling us everything, Agent Murphy, and we're running out of time." "You need to tell us everything you know about that demon now!" Raige adds. Murphy lies and lies and lies some more, so Piper blows up his lamp. After yelling at him a bit more, Piper arches a brow and cues Raige, who orbs his chair out from beneath him, dumping him onto the floor. "You're gonna tell us how this whole thing started," Piper continues as Murph pulls himself to his feet, "or the next thing I'm gonna blow up is you." Don't fuck with the Mighty Hands of Discontent, Murph. The last guy who tried that lost his balls. Dolt. The delightful Agent Murphy huffs and puffs and straightens his tie right into the commercial break...
...and we're back, picking up shortly where we'd left off. Murphy roots around in a low cabinet and supplies a file, along with the lie that he'd performed a little investigating after the gals left his office a few scenes ago and discovered what Das Heimatshutz-Ministerium had actually done to Patient Zero after the department had recovered his injured ass from "the desert." Long story short, the government injected the demon with human blood in an attempt to combine the two, and thus extract the demon's powers in order to concoct a serum with which they'd then dose unsuspecting GIs in order to create a legion of supersoldiers. Just go with it. It is always so much easier when you just go with it. The experiment, of course, failed, as the "test subject failed to react." However, the entire process apparently led to this mutant virus, which Patient Zero proceeded to spread throughout the magical community once he escaped from the government's containment facility. By, you know, just squiggling the fuck on out of there, because our government is run by imbeciles. I want to die, and for an entirely different reason than the assosticity of this show, for once. "You said the test subject didn't show any side-effects?" Piper asks, leading Raige to wonder where Piper's going with that line of inquiry. Piper, who apparently acquired an advanced degree in molecular biology at some point in the last week, is of the opinion that the antidote resides in the veins of that immune test subject, and rises to demand the guy's current location. The delightful Agent Murphy hasn't the first clue how to find the gentleman in question, as the military destroyed all but the slim little file Agent Murphy had presented to the gals. Well, the slim little file he'd presented to the gals and the test subject's ID bracelet, of course. Piper and Raige sigh in frustration, because they've apparently forgotten that if Raige can zero in on Papí Ramón using nothing more than a photograph she swiped from his ex-parole officer, they certainly can scry for the federal government's human lab rat with the fucking ID bracelet, because everyone on this show is a complete fucking idiot. Trash. Charmed is trash.