Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Piper Halliwell, Ph.D
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.19.2005
Manor, and boring! Phoebe delivers a tedious pep-talk to the dying Retard, and scene!
Back in the kitchen, Phoebe erupts in some inexplicable bout of frustration, or something, and takes it all out on the blameless Manor refrigerator. Whatever. I have to admit, though, that Alyssa Milano looks better tonight than she has in years. Her hair's finally grown back in, the makeup's relatively subtle, and she's been wearing a simple pair of well-tailored jeans beneath a soft and concealing kimono-style blouse. Pity I couldn't care less about her selfish character's obnoxious Non-Issue Of The Week if I tried. Raige chooses this moment to orb in with Piper, and the three bang their heads together for a little bit until Phoebe stumbles across a cunning plan, because she's the smart one. And that plan? Is to infect themselves on purpose with the virus currently ravaging The Retard, in order to amp up their powers to the point that they can track the government's lab rat down to his current location with the found ID bracelet. Brilliant, Feebs. Just fucking brilliant. Raige and Piper have obvious reservations, but do trail after their dimwitted hag-ass of a sister as the latter storms from the room back to the center parlor. After the Manor Morons have vanished from the scene, the ironing board that had been leaning against the table in the mud room beyond the kitchen suddenly morphs up into that tracker demon I'd entirely forgotten about. He takes a moment to smirk before squiggling the hell out of there.
Out in the center parlor, the Manor Morons slice open their palms. Phoebe infects herself first by...pressing her hand against the gash in The Retard's maggoty neck? It's totally not clear. What is clear, however, is the anvilicious moment when the three Charmed Ones rather resolutely press their hands together to spread the infection amongst themselves. While all this is going on, The Retard starts shuddering herself into her death rattle, but Piper unfortunately flicks out a freeze before The Retarded Bimbo blows up on the couch. Dammit. "How long's that gonna last?" Raige wonders. "Hopefully, long enough," Piper replies, without, of course, explaining how the freeze is supposed to prevent The Retard from blowing up once they've returned from their ludicrous adventure to find the possible source of the appropriate antidote, but before the appropriate antidote has had time to take effect, because this is a lousy show that should have been cancelled last May. Idiots.