Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Piper Halliwell, Ph.D
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.19.2005
...Not!warts, where Emrick's morphed back into his regular form and now lies on a table in the library, groaning and writhing in pain, or something. Booger fiddles with some potions as Emrick pants, "What's happening to me?" "You're dying like all the others," comes the callous response, not from Booger of course, but from the previously mentioned Margoyle, who flounces into the library from the hallway beyond, complete with the bald head and the asinine facial hair and the annoying British accent. "It's happening all over the Underworld," Margirly exposits as he minces on up to the table. "What have you learned?" he demands of Booger, who's forced to admit that he hasn't learned much at all, really. This displeases Margirly, who snatches Booger up by the neck to make with the threats and such. Booger's all, "Back off, Swish, and let me explain," so Margirly lets him go long enough for Booger to ramble on about "isolat[ing] the one cell fragment in [Emrick's] blood" that's causing the vampiric transformation. Unfortunately for Booger, Emrick decides that what this moment most needs is a little spontaneous combustion, and so Chad Allen bursts into actual, honest-to-God flame for a little while until he's reduced to a suspicious pile of grey ash upon the tabletop. Smell ya later, doll, and best of luck with that gay detective series of yours on the new all-gay cable network that absolutely no one subscribes to. Snicker. Margirly, panties now thoroughly in a wad, zaps a Flaming Ball Of Death into Booger's chest, and soothsayer go boom. Another duster-clad gent, who'd been standing unobtrusively off to the side during all of this, now ambles over to Emrick's ashy remains, eliciting a snippy "What do you want, Tracker?" from Margirly. The tracker reveals he watched as Piper, Raige, and The Retard attacked the afflicted demons, so Margirly, realizing the Charmed Ones are involved in all of this nonsense, sends the tracker off to learn whatever he can. Margirly leans heavily on the table supporting Emrick's ashy remains as the screen again flares white, and...
...AAUAUAAUUUUAUAUAGH! God-DAMN. When the screen clears, we find ourselves in an extreme close-up of The Retard's maggoty neck, and that shit is just disgusting. I suppose we're meant to be examining the gouge in said maggoty neck, much as said maggoty neck's owner is doing at the moment, but please. We're too busy clawing at our eyes. And by the time I've finished screaming in horror, the camera's pulled back to reveal The Retard at the Book's stand up in the nonexistent attic. The Dolt lopes in from the upper stairs to retrieve yet another suitcase for his stereotypically overpacking wife and to natter with The Retard about what she's discovered, which is nothing, as the Book contains zilch on "how to supercharge a demon." They blather about the Book's history and how The Retard should start one of her own until The Retard shakily draws a hand across her forehead. The Dolt wonders if she's feeling all right, and she lies that she's fine before asking, "Are witches and demons different species?" The Dolt's all, "Buh?" so The Retard elaborates: "You know, like dogs and cats and how they can't get each other sick and stuff?" "I guess so," the Dolt replies, for the stupid Dolt apparently doesn't realize that if witches and demons can successfully knock each other up and bear each others' children, they're certainly capable of infecting each other with all sorts of nasty viruses and germs, but I don't care, because this show is ass, and I want to die. The Dolt bumbles on out of there as a quartet of tense strings hits the soundtrack and The Retard fingers her maggoty neck. Gross.