Episode Report Card Demian: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Witless Protection
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.27.2004
...Not!warts, where Elder Q is rather curtly informing the Dolt that the forces of good "don't negotiate with demons." He changes his tune a bit, though, when he learns Cordelia might have some useful information on the Avatars. However, he insists, she'll have to offer up that information before the ever-useless Elders would ever consider giving in to her demands. With that, he orbs out, leaving the shifty-eyed Dolt to scuttle out of the frame alone.
On the grounds of what we shall soon learn is a psychiatric hospital, Detective Doormat stands in the early morning sun and impatiently checks his watch. In a covered passageway behind him, Cordelia smears in discreetly with the Feebs, and again, gotta hand it to the effects people. The women's shadows gradually appear on the wall behind them at the correct angle and density as the two materialize. I realize I shouldn't be complimenting those guys on what amounts to basic on-the-job competence, but hey. We've all seen the nightmares that happen when they slack off. Anyway, Phoebe yodels out a greeting upon her arrival. "You're late," the Doormat grumbles before turning around to howl in dismay at Cordelia's presence. "Who is this?" he spits. Phoebe makes with the hasty introductions before bubbling off quickly down the walk with an airy "Let's see if [Pepper Anderson's] here, shall we?" The Doormat flusters and barges around to block her path, peeving something about knowing a demon when he sees one after all these years. "Go easy on him," Cordelia mock-whispers to Phoebe. "His wife's had him sleeping on the couch all week." "How does she know that?" the instantly mortified Doormat bleats. "Seer," Phoebe duhs. "Get it? She sees things." Hee. The Doormat really is guaranteed to be the only person on this show stupider than Phoebe, isn't he? Until we hit Raige later in the episode, that is. "She's perfectly harmless," Phoebe adds reassuringly, "and actually very good at what she does. I can't hold a candle to her." "Oh, that's so sweet!" Cordelia replies, and the two women make squealy, BFF noises at each other before Cordelia finally assures the Doormat that his dazzling wife will forgive him the moment he gives her "the marzipan she likes." The Doormat, falling for it, begins to ask for more advice before catching himself and whining about that crazy-freaky Halliwell voodoo again.
Meanwhile, Cordelia's begun twirling around on the lawn with her arms outstretched, and it was at this point I knew we were at a funny farm, because none of the white-uniformed orderlies passing through the courtyard take any notice of her odd behavior. Phoebe, however, bustles over to put a stop to it. She hurries Cordelia to a door marked "Hawkbrook Mental Health Facility" while reminding her that if they don't return to the Manor quickly, the Dolt's going to "flip." The ladies plus the Doormat enter the snake pit, ambling past various muttering, drooling lunatics, and there's some chatter about all the bad that comes with being human before Cordelia casually indicates a closed door and notes, "I'd try that one." Phoebe and the Doormat enter to find an unoccupied office. "There's more," Cordelia promises, indicating another shut door on the far side of the room. The Doormat picks his way over and eases said door open slowly to reveal a pallid, wasted-looking Pepper Anderson unconscious on a bed. "I told you Brody did something to her," he growls as Phoebe breathes, "Oh, my God," and whips out her cell to phone Raige. "Please pick up the phone," Phoebe pleads. Cordelia eyes the room evenly enough, but there's a touch of sadness in her eyes. Despite the fact she's incapable of human emotion. Stupid show.