Episode Report Card Demian: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Witless Protection
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.27.2004
e smirks, "is that every demon in this Book hates you?" "Yeah," Cordelia admits, adding that if she had any feelings whatsoever, it would all be sort of sad, considering that the demonic hordes are, after all, her family. Phoebe promises to add a clause about human emotion to the spell they're preparing for Cordelia's transformation. They share a moment of girlish bonding before the infernal racket of the Dolt's orb cloud heralds his return from Straight Estates with Piper. Piper quickly fills Phoebe in on the new Raige situation, and together the two howl and shriek about that for a bit until Piper decides to resolve the Cordelia issue first. The Dolt begs the unusual houseguest to give him some sort of relevant information on the Avatars, so he might better plead her case before the other ever-useless Elders. Cordelia flatly refuses to consider such an option, so Phoebe, at Piper's prompting, lays it on the line: She knows that Cordelia cares as much about her as Phoebe cares about Cordelia, so, you know, out with it already. "I can't tell you," Cordelia shakes her head. "But," she adds, her tone shifting, "I can show you." With that, she offers Phoebe her hands. Phoebe glances at Piper briefly for approval, then places her palms on Cordelia's. Phoebe's eyes snap shut as a rosy glow flares out from their joined hands, and she soon fixes a serene, pleased smile on her face. The screen flares white, and we're plunged......into Phoebe's vision. It involves rugrats. And sunshine. And Phoebe in a wig that makes her look like Alanis Morissette, circa 1994. The good news? Ten years into the future, Phoebe's finally learned how to dress herself, apparently, for there's nary a tattoo in sight. Phalanis beams as three kids run up to her, the oldest greeting her as "Aunt Phoebe." This, obviously, is Pre-Teen Psycho, and he looks like a Hitler Youth with his carefully pressed clothing and precisely manicured hair. The middle child -- in desperate need of a haircut, natch -- is obviously Middling Gay Chris, though he looks nothing like his elder or younger counterparts. Amusingly enough, Phalanis addresses him as "Big Guy," which is awfully close to a shout-out, if you ask me. And finally, up runs a girl who leaps into Phalanis's arms, crying, "Mommy! Mommy! [Middling Gay] Chris was scaring me about the demons again!" "[Gay One]!" Phoebe scolds. "It's not nice to tease." Turning back to the girl, whom she calls "Ladybug," like, ew, Phoebe croons, "What did I tell you about the demons? They don't exist anymore. Not since the Avatars." And on that, we snap back to...