Episode Report Card Erin: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Tell Her About It
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.03.2003
It's an antique waffle iron.
Another crate is opened; contained within is a circa-1983 boom box. Heh. Syd gets on the horn and informs Kendall that it's a set-up. Kendall barks at someone to get Jack on the line. Back with Jack, a couple of black vans screech up and cut off Jack's ride. Guys in masks get out and shoot the shit out of the NSA dudes, including NNNSA Brandon. Jack moves to do some shooting of his own, but instead of putting a bullet in his skull, the dudes order Jack to drop the weapon or he's dead.
After a hideous commercial for that stupid Rose Red sequel, we're back in The Conference Room of Endless Expositions, where Kendall's bitching about how Irina's fucked them over yet again. He basically sums up the entire situation for those of us who were out blending daiquiris and missed the last ten minutes of the show. CIA? The proud owners of a bunch of antique toaster ovens. Irina? Pretty much to blame. Jack? Nowhere to be found.
Syd's all, what's our next move? Kendall lamely states that they're supposed to go over all the intel in their possession, and anything even halfway concrete should be moved on ASAP. Syd leaves, and everyone remaining in the room exchanges a bunch of sad/guilty/empathetic looks.
Then we shoot over to Jack, who's been strapped down to a tilted gurney for some reason. Just what that reason is becomes immediately clear when Sloane enters the room and starts gibbering on about Rambaldi. He had to strap Jack to the chair because, otherwise, how could he get Jack to listen to such a BORING PILE OF SHIT?
I'm kidding. It's actually interesting. I'm just REALLY tired of recapping. Four whole weeks of nothing, and J.J. has to fucking hit me with TWO eps in a row? What is he, a maniac? Aaaaanyway, Sloane's waxing Rambaldic about some machine that the ancient inventor created. "He called it 'il dire,'" says Sloane. "'The Telling.' The construction consists of forty-seven pieces. Classic Rambaldi. As you know, it took me a long time -- longer than I thought -- but I've acquired them all, including the [Holocaust Heart] with your help. They're in the next room, Jack. I have a team assembling 'il dire' right now. They said it shouldn't be more than a day."
Rona: Oh, that is SO not good.
Regina: What, Sloane making some devastating machine or Sloane not shutting up about making some devastating machine?
Rona: Both.
Wendy Kroy: Either.
Regina: Well, I'm ready to take the assembled Rambaldi machine and shove it into Sloane's yammering trap right about now.
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