Episode Report Card Erin: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Tell Her About It
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.03.2003
Back with Jack, he's just crapped out on the table or whatever, listening as some machinery grinds outside his door. The lights dim and the walls quiver and there's clanging and rattling and holy Jesus, what's going on here? The last thing we see before we go to commercial is the lights going out on Jack's face. Make of that what you will. Because it could make what happens in the rest of the episode make more sense when we return to this story next season.
Wendy Kroy: Um.
Regina: I know.
Rona: What just happened?
Regina: Either Sloane just completed The Telling, or he just USED The Telling. Neither's particularly good.
Wendy Kroy: Does this mean that Spy Daddy's, like, dreaming the rest of the episode now?
Regina: I have no idea.
Rona: Or, like, did we just jump two years in the future or something?
Regina: I don't fucking know. Pass the rum.
Ciudad de México. Or, as its known on tonight's episode, "J.J. Abrams's Homage To The Office Building Scene In The Matrix." I'm really not kidding here. There's a long shot of the interior of a glass-clad office building lobby, complete with revolving doors, and lo and behold, here come Syd and Vaughn, doing their damnedest to impersonate Trinity and Neo. Only problem? Yeah, not NEARLY as cool. Sorry, but it's true. But, you know, it is pretty hard to look as cool as Trinity and Neo. So, I'll cut them some slack. And Michael Vartan knows how to wear a white oxford with the collar open, let me tell you.
Once inside the building, Syd and Vaughn make it down to some lower level and start running. Syd gets on the horn to Kendall and fills him in on their location. Kendall, standing outside The Cell Formerly Known As The Den of Delights, copies Syd and looks to Sark, standing calmly behind the glass. "They're in the basement," snaps Kendall. "Now what?"
Sark -- who, like Will, can make even the dullest prison garb sexier than hell -- just lazily tells Kendall that the alarm system for Satan Sloane's Secret Salon of Sadism is located twenty yards down the north wall. It's a gray box with yellow stripes, and the deactivation code is "1-1-5-6-6." Kendall writes down the code and then gets all threatening with Sark, saying that if he's bullshitting, Kendall will have him sent to Camp Harris (which, I'm beginning to think, is actually a code name for "dank cage at the bottom of a sewer with nothing but rats and roaches to eat for ETERNITY," because everyone keeps using it as some sort of heinous threat or something) and will not leave until Sark is dead and buried. Sark just blinks at him in a lizardly fashion and goes, "Well, then, I certainly hope Mr. Sloane hasn't changed the code." Hee.
Kendall fills Syd in on the intel; she and Vaughn find the box, and Vaughn enters the code, disables the alarm, and notifies the rest of the boys with guns to enter the building. Everyone gathers together on Sloane's floor and makes time toward the Salon of Sadism. At the same time, Satan Sloane leans in close to Jack and informs him that the machine has been assembled. What it actually IS, we won't find out until NEXT fucking season.
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