Episode Report Card Demian: B- | 159 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The Second)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 23 | Aired on 2003.05.11
Antarctica. Bogtrotter and Bitch Tits plot to exterminate the few ever-useless Elders who managed to escape Whitelighterland before the last Titan attack, after which they'll head to Buddies' for a couple of smart cocktails. Scene.
P3. Elise Rothman, Girl Editor hosts the charity bachelor auction, and summons Joe Firestone to the stage. The rabid females in the audience place their paltry bids, only to have those meager bids squashed by Aphrophoebe's massive one. Aphrophoebe slinks down the club's staircase, a mysterious breeze dancing through her ludicrously long blonde locks, looking for all the world like a walking, talking billboard for Summer's Eve. All of the men in P3 are smitten, and all of the women think Phoebe's a total bitch. Guess whose side I'm on?
Over on the forest clearing set they used for that assy nymrod episode, Rathena confronts a posse of dark demonic types, challenging them to fight. One flings a Flaming Ball Of Death. Rathena catches it in her hand and squashes it out. The FBOD emits a strangely satisfying sizzle as she does so. Rathena quotes Archimedes, then toasts the dark demonic force who originally tossed the FBOD. The remaining demons kneel and pledge their eternal devotion. Rathena is way stoked until buzzkill Piper swirls in amid some dead leaves. Apparently, she exposits, one of her new responsibilities as Earth Goddess is to keep the other gods in line. Someone with a deeper understanding of Greek mythology will have to confirm if this really was true for Demeter. The forums never close, people. Piper orders Rathena's assembled demonic underlings to make themselves scarce. They refuse. Piper screams, unleashing a small earthquake. The various demonic toadies flare and smear to points unknown. Piper latches onto Rathena's arm and swirls back to the Manor…
…where she locks Rathena's trident in the foyer's much-abused mirrored armoire. Freaky Tiny Iguana Lady pushes The Woefully Neglected Done One out of the parlor in a baby carriage, sassing away at full tilt. "This," Iguana Lady sneers, "is a house of ill repute." Well, it's about damn time somebody else noticed. Piper and Rathena enter the front parlor to find Aphrophoebe surrounded by a dozen or so slavishly devoted and shirtless gentlemen from the P3 auction. Aphrophoebe makes with that "peel me a grape" line that, really, only Mae West ever managed to pull off -- mainly because Mae West was, at heart, a female drag queen. Speaking of queens, I suspect more than half of these gentlemen would normally be ogling Aphrophoebe's orbing nephew. And speaking of Aphrophoebe's nephew, here he is now to deliver his line from the promos: "What is this? Goddesses Gone Wild?" Many found that line amusing, which depresses me. You all do realize that if Big Gay Chris really did travel backwards through time from some hellish, Republican-controlled, smoke-free future twenty years hence, he'd know nothing about the Girls Gone Wild series of videocassettes? Oh, you do realize that? You say you just don't care? Well, then. I'll just be shutting up now.