Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 34 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT What We Pretend To Be
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 08.20.2013
Remember when Jenna Thing had that birthday party with the cupcakes and hats? The Cupcake & Hat party she threw herself. God, that was pathetic. Everything about Jenna is so fucking sad.
OTOH, Paige has never been more incandescent than at that party, has she? Nope, wait, Masquerade Ball. She had that shit on lock. It was also the first time I noticed her acting like a person and not Alice the Goon, which is also very sexy.
Karate Jake: "Can we go on a date in the daytime? Can we have coffee? Can I recommend a lawyer for Ashley Marin? Can we or I anything?"
Aria: "Right, you're my boyfriend. Do you want to go to a hoedown?"
Jake: "Yeah! I mean who does, really, but with you?"
Aria: "That's so crazy that you can just go with me to a dance without the cops getting involved!"
Jake: "Yeah, turns out there is a downside to statutory."
SPEAKING OF
Emily: "Ezra? Honey, you look upset."
Ezra: "I haven't shaved! You can almost tell!"
Ha! And then they totally discuss how he hasn't shaved, right after I made that joke, and she's like, "What are you, growing a beard?" and he goes, "What? No! Fuck you, I'm just distracted! Get your humanity out of my beard! I have grownup problems!" And then, double-ha, that's exactly the next thing he screams!
"Emily, some of us have bigger goddamn problems than college recommendations that are too glowing. What am I, your fucking babysitter?"
It's amazing how great he is when he is pissy. Like remember when he was broke for five minutes and went around squeezing muffins in his little fists and stomping his little feet and riding around on a cute little flying carpet of tiny sexy rage? Remember the time he held his breath and flexed his little muscles? God, that was like the hottest he ever was. Until now!
Emily: "Cool, I will just go fuck myself then."
Ezra: "Sorry, I'm being horrible. I am horrible. Acting inappropriate with teens is a way of life."
Emily: "Is this about Aria?"
Ezra: "No, it's about Maggie moving away with somebody's child that I met one time."
Emily: "That sounds upsetting. I can see why you would forego shaving today."
Ezra: "I'd appreciate your discretion, Emily. I have to inform Aria of this myself."
Emily: "Okay. But like, why? Why would she care? Why would anyone care."
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