Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 37 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT What We Pretend To Be
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 08.20.2013
CRAWLSPACE
Aria: "Bossypants's running late, which is unusual. Especially considering she's the one running point on this mission."
Emily: "Well, while we're waiting, have you talked to Fitz lately?"
Aria: "Just my usual routine of mixed messages. Showing up at his house, then ignoring his panicked calls. Nothing special. Why?"
Emily: "For a reason that I don't know what it is?"
Aria: "Blah blah blah Jake is the new Ezra blah... Ooh, what's that? A shiny object?"
Emily: "A button. Perhaps from a coat. Perhaps from a red one."
They hear a smashing sound, but it's just Spencer. Emitter of most smashing sounds. They all snark at each other, and Spencer refuses to tell them what's going on with Toby again, for no reason, and then they show her the button. (Aria, hilariously, is like, "Of course Spencer has the best flashlight out of all three of us. Just of course.") They won't quit with this button. I mean, I know they weren't with us when we saw Redcoat crawling down there, but... Yeah, I guess they'd have coats on the brain.
Upstairs, more bumps and sounds, and the starers down become the starers up. Hanna confirms that she's with Mrs. D., so then who is up there? And why is she stabbing down at their faces? Holy shit, Redcoat is just slamming knitting needles down at Aria's beautiful gigantic eyes like it's no big. Get out of that crawlspace! (Wait no, stay there! I don't know the best move here!) That's amazing.
Phobias are irritating because they are weakness, and most of the time they are a performance because actual ones are pretty rare, and nothing pisses me off more than when you're so used to performing to get attention you don't even know you're lying. Like when people make a huge fucking deal about "come deal with this bug!" it's just... You're broken. You're too broken. We are not forming a transactional relationship by me killing this bug for you: We are only firming up the fact that I will never respect your opinion or take it into account, because you are bad at being an alive person. You are an unreliable narrator of what is going on inside you. But. If Aria had a claustrophobia, between this and the Halloween Train, I would be okay with that.
That's a big part of why I don't go into crawlspaces, because of what if you get stabbed in the eye. Also, snakes. And dead stuff. And CeCe.
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