Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Unhappy Campers
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.10.2005
Oh, give it up, Ridley Scott. If they won't give Martin Scorsese an Oscar, you're sure as hell not getting one.
11:54:25. Poor Man's Hume Cronyn ponders second acts in American political life, the Veep practices his oath of office, and Camper Guy tries not to go into shock. Kiefer, having taken the entire commercial break to reach the exit, bursts out the same door he came in, just in time to spot two Jeeps about fifty yards away. Presumably they're waiting for the fourth bad guy, if not wondering what's taking him so long. Kiefer fires a couple of shots, and GameBoy Guy, who was standing next to one Jeep, tosses the Football into the back of the other and jumps behind the wheel. Both vehicles peel off. Kiefer hollers at air support to take out the lead Jeep, the one with the Football. The Jeep crosses a bridge over the stream, right into a hail of bullets from the chopper that's hovering at an altitude of about ten feet. The Jeep rolls down an embankment and comes to a stop on its side. Don't know what happened to the other Jeep, because the next thing to cross the bridge is Kiefer, on foot. He approaches the Jeep, yelling at the wounded GameBoy Guy to put his hands where he can see them. Instead, GameBoy Guy raises his gun, and Kiefer shoots him so that the gun goes spinning through the helicopter's searchlight beam in a very cool way. After making sure that the bad guy's GameBoy days are over, he looks into the back of the upturned Jeep. But since it's casting a shadow, Kiefer instructs the helicopter to follow him around the Jeep with its searchlight. Kiefer quickly finds the Football under a nearby bush, where it was thrown clear. He opens it up, and under the searchlight, it looks like everything's there. Kiefer tells the chopper to go after the other Jeep, and it flits off obediently. If futilely.
Kiefer calls up Soul Patch to give him the good news. It's 11:56:22. Kiefer reports that he has the Football, but he thinks ImhoTerror got away in the other Jeep. "I'm sorry, but I had to make a choice." Don't blame yourself, Kiefer. Blame whoever it was that told you that the Football was a higher priority than ImhoTerror in the first place. Who was that again? Oh, yeah -- it was DoDder. Amazing how many things we can make her fault if we only try. ["Amazing how little 'trying' it usually takes." -- Sars] Soul Patch says, "ImhoTerror gave up the Football to buy his freedom?" Kiefer thinks a second, then says, "Yeah, that doesn't sound right to me either." Heh. Soul Patch asks if anything is missing, but Kiefer says it's all there. But then he flips through the Playbook, and quickly discovers that there are no pages between the dividers for Red Chapter Section 3 and Red Chapter Section 4. "Get DoDder," Kiefer says, and Soul Patch says they'll call him right back. Also, Kiefer? The helicopter's gone now. You can stop yelling.
Poor Man's Hume Cronyn is in a room with a bunch of other people, including the Veep, whom he's regarding skeptically from some distance away. Another guy in a suit, who looks like Victor Garber in a bad wig, notices PMHC's look and observes, "You're worried about him." PMHC cops to it, saying the Veep seems "unsure of himself." But Bewigged Victor Garber quietly reassures him, then gets a call on his cell phone. After a brief conversation, he tells PMHC that "The vote was unanimous. The 25th Amendment's been officially invoked." Nice of them to not make us sit through that whole vote. Again. PMHC heads right over to the Veep to let him know. The Veep says, "We should proceed with the ceremony." PMHC says they'll do that, and then it'll be time for the Veep to address the nation. The Veep still isn't sure that's a good idea at this time of night, but PMHC assures him that plenty of people will be wide awake. "Yes, of course," the Veep says. I think this actor is doing a great job of playing a character who is in turn trying to play the part of someone who isn't quietly losing his shit. It's 11:58:36 (Kiefer Standard Time). Everyone leaves the room and walks down the hallway. The Veep takes the podium in front of the ten members of the White House press corps who are (a) still awake at 3:00 AM East Coast time and (b) not scattered around Air Force One's press cabin in a gory mess.