Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Unhappy Campers
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.10.2005
Speaking of briefings, there's one going on at CTU right now. Buchanan reports to the assembled troops that Poor Man's Eric Stoltz's stolen stealth fighter was shot down by one of Air Force One's escort fighters. A little late there, flyboy. The status of the President is still unknown, but since rescue teams are minutes away, they'll know before long. Bitchelle tells everyone to "rededicate" themselves to finding ImhoTerror: "I don't want a single lead ignored or a shred of evidence missed." Since we've been hearing all season long about how this person or that connection or the other computer file is "our only lead," there doesn't seem to be much chance of that. End of meeting.
11:07:12. Kiefer pulls Bitchelle aside to ask her to set him up at a workstation so he can help with the search for ImhoTerror. "He has to be within a fifty-mile radius," Kiefer says. Since ImhoTerror's escaped from a fifty-yard radius twice this evening, I'm not sure how that's so encouraging. But before Kiefer can continue, DoDder interrupts: she just got off the phone with DaD (who is sitting out yet another episode, having gotten good and tired of spending all his time being DoDder's on-call agony advisor), and they now have a higher priority than finding ImhoTerror: finding the nuclear Football. Bitchelle says, "Didn't it go down with Air Force One?" DoDder says that the damage to the plane caused a lot of things to be sucked out before it hit the ground, including the Football. And the unlucky Secret Service agent whose wrist it was handcuffed to, presumably. Fortunately, they know the exact location of the Football, due to a transponder in the casing. Kiefer's like, "Well, good." I don't know why I think it's funny when Kiefer is the least worried person in the room. He's usually screaming at everyone else about how they're running out of time, and how listening to him is the only way to avert total global disaster, but now his entire demeanor towards DoDder is like, "Whoa, climb down from your tree, there, Stress Monkey." DoDder says that DaD wants Kiefer to head up the Football retrieval team personally. Kiefer's confused. DoDder explains to everyone what the Football is: "That case contains the codes and locations of our entire. Nuclear. Arsenal. Nothing is more critical than getting it back, and as quickly as possible." "Fine," Kiefer grumps, not nearly as flattered as he should be. Bitchelle leaves to get Kiefer's team ready to go.
Kiefer asks DoDder the Football's location. It's "40 miles northeast of here in the middle of the desert," DoDder says, placing CTU quite some distance away from where I thought it was. Unless she's using the phrase "middle of the desert" loosely, which I hope she is, because mentally relocating CTU to the edge of Death Valley is kind of a stretch. Kiefer just looks at her for a second. Aren't we dating or something?, he seems to be thinking. DoDder, not privy to his inner monologue, turns to go without another word. Kiefer stops her: "What's wrong?" he asks. "What else is happening?" DoDder sadly says that Grayadder may have to go back into surgery, since the bullet's damage may have been worse than originally feared. Well, jeez, maybe the CTU clinic should have taken the time to get it right the first time. DoDder's feeling guilty about not trusting Grayadder. Kiefer cuts that off, saying he alone is responsible for the decision on how to handle Grayadder. Is he talking about the torture thing? Because Grayadder himself seemed to be over that when he volunteered to join Kiefer on the mission that got him beaten up and shot. Kiefer tells DoDder, "If you want to remain effective…to be able to do your job…you have to let it go." My only question: "Remain"? DoDder tells him, "That's your gift. You're able to block things out. I can't do that." No, she's got plenty of other ways to be an asshole, and we just saw one of them. Before Kiefer can respond to the putdown, Lispy Skip calls across the floor to tell him that his chopper's ready to go. "I should change and get ready," Kiefer says, and takes his leave. Sorry, Kieferettes, but he's not going to be changing on camera.
The Mojave Desert, 11:09:55. We get a simultaneous subtitle and clock, which is unusual. Near a campfire, some bearded guy is standing outside waving a flashlight around and peering into the darkness. A woman comes out of the tent behind him, asking what's wrong. He says something woke him up. "Sounded like some kind of explosion or something." So they went to bed without banking their fire? Way to risk burning down the desert, people. She says it was probably just a bad dream, but he doesn't quit scanning. She thinks he's still "stressed about work," and reminds him why they came out here: "To relax…and to make a baby." They mack. But before a baby is made before our very eyes, Camper Guy looks over his wife's shoulder, and now that he's not shining the flashlight anymore, he can see what looks like a small fire some distance off. They walk towards it until they top a small ridge and come across what looks like a pretty large debris field, with a stream flowing through it. I assume the stream was there first. Unless it's a stream made of jet fuel, in which case I would advise against having a cigarette. There's more burning wreckage lying around -- mostly suitcases and clothes, but no actual humans -- and, oddly enough, what might be an emergency exit door, standing erect in the ground like a giant lawn dart. The husband shines his flashlight on it and calls his wife over to see his discovery: the Presidential Seal. It's 11:11:15.