Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 36 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Your Body Will Know
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.07.2014
Spencer: "So what, did you just casually email them to ask if their dead friend might have turned up in our dead friend's grave?"
Hanna: "I'm gettin' real fuckin' sick of your attitude, Hastings. Of course I didn't. I said I wanted to form a temporary support group with them over our shared losses."
Spencer: "...Huh. You are two for two, my friend. I'm in awe of you this week."
Hanna: "I like compliments better when they're not preceded by bullshit. I think you'll find that's true for most people."
Then suddenly an overhead springs to life, playing a hilarious citizenship video from the fifties, but with certain parts of it edited to be scary A-type messages like, Whoever finds Alison gets to keep her. The whole thing is pretty awesome, and tonally very sophisticated and funny and clever. Also because school has not taught these people good citizenship one bit -- except for maybe Emily who was born that way -- and also because school is where you meet fine upstanding citizens like Jenna Thing and Noel Kahn:
School is an important place for every boy and girl. It's where you and your friends come to learn what you'll need to know in order to prepare for life and work. You don't just learn math and history at school, you learn how to be good citizens. And being a good citizen is something you learn not only in the hallways and cafeterias, because being a good citizen is a full-time job [...] into adults. Tell everybody what kind of American you are!
Meanwhile Ezra is telling exactly what he has learned and what kind of American he is:
"No expectations, but I want you to know that I understand how fucked up it was putting you in those weird positions with Malcolm, my fake baby that destroyed our horrible creepy relationship. I thought I could fit everything into one life and I would be the winner, but of course that just made everything suck. It is because I am selfish. But on the other hand, my days are limited here at school where we learn good citizenship, and so are yours. So back-burner me until you are legal."
Aria: "DONE."
Ezra: "I would like to try and be the person you think I am."
Aria: "Whatever. I would like you to be exactly the person I think you are, which is a Ken doll with no other obligations except having G-rated and occasional R-rated fun with me, whenever I personally feel like it."