Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Leftover Pie
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.06.2007
Inside, Randy recognizes Gina right away, but she's got no time for the Jackson. She's still all about Simon. "In love" with him, in fact. She babbles on about her crush and "these dreams," and she stops short of describing the contents of the dreams, thank God. Paula smilingly calls her an ass-kisser, which is funny considering Paula's role on the show. Gina sings "Black Velvet," and, to quote Randy Jackson, it's a'ight. Nothing special. Lucky for her, nobody wants to talk about her voice much. Simon likes her and thinks she has "good taste," wink-wink. Randy and Paula needle her about liking Simon so much. Gina just wants to hug him, but he makes her wait until the judges rule. Randy and Paula both give "why not?" votes, so Gina's going back to Hollywood. And she gives Simon some sugar before she leaves. She's sweet. I hope she sings better in Hollywood.
After the commercials, Gina Glocksen is still running around and screaming -- proof, says Ryan, that "flattery gets you everywhere." Which kicks off a montage of other people who loooooved Simon, including but not limited to: this girl who looks like Norelle from that one season of Top Model dressed up like a Catholic school girl, who's written Simon's name on her panties. Then there are the people who "like" Randy, except nobody likes Randy, so it's just person after person calling Randy a fat no-talent. And finally, Paula Abdul's parade of admirers, which range from the very old to the very young, though all of them are very misguided. This all leads us to Edward Sanchez, who maybe loves Paula more than all of us combined. He's twenty-six, which makes him officially too old for any of this behavior, but he adores Paula like a star-struck kid. He stumbles over his words a lot, but he does manage to convey how big a fan he was of the MC Skat Cat video, which is hysterical. Paula gets up from the table, and she and Edward share a very warm hug. This was from San Antonio, so Paula's in one of her lucid periods, which helps things along considerably. He sings "Donna," and Simon tells him to sing it directly to Paula. That extra bit of motivation doesn't help, so Paula's serenade is just a warbly mess. "Oh, Edward," she says, in that tone I always take with the sweet but embarrassing contestants. She gives him a lot of credit for "coming down here, confessing your love for me...and the cat." Hee. The judges all pass, even Paula, who resists the impulse to patronize him with a sympathy vote. It's cool with Edward, though. He got to meet Paula. He gushes to the cameras outside and leaves with a parting note for Paula to "stay hot."
Next is the annual "day jobs these people have when they're not making fools of themselves on TV" montage. Hairdressers and cops and office workers and disc jockeys and guitar builders and wheat...threshers (?) and I think I see someone digging a ditch? Do people still do that? Ryan reminds us that last season, Ace got up on someone's roof and pretended he was a roofer. And Chris Daughtry wore one of those Best Buy polo shirts and pretended to take customer service calls. And Kellie Pickler was a roller-skating waitress. She still is, if you think about it. This leads us to Heather, Ashley, and Ebony, who are all three roller-skating waitresses, each dressed in fishnets and garters and hot pink tutu skirts and black tees. They look like they just came from an audition for Grease: You're The One That I Want...To Pose for Maxim. Ryan's VO says the lesson here is Audition On Your Own. Ashley -- the one with the pink flower in her hair, not to mention a metric ton of foundation and bronzer on her face -- shrugs her shoulders and tells us she wants to be an American Idol because "...I'm American?" Ebony -- the one with the pink bow in her hair -- says she's got something to prove. Heather -- pink headband -- knows that they'll have to be split up eventually.