Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Leftover Pie
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.06.2007
Memphis: Ryan's VO introduces us to Tami Gosnell, 29, and the first thing you notice about Tami is the giant lip ring in the center of her lower lip. I'm not sure whether it's the piercing that says "lesbian" or the fact that she looks like Piper Perabo's butch cousin -- not that it much matters either way, because Tami's great. With her big, beautiful smile full of big, beautiful teeth, Tami greets the judges. I think Simon is wary at first, because Simon's in love with all things commercial, and it's hard to read "commercial" off of Tami, at least right away. Paula confirms that Tami's a pedicab driver, and in lieu of responding with words, Tami just pantomimes her rickshaw-dragging routine. Perhaps Tami was mesmerized by the glare off of Paula's giant brass heart choker (it's baaaack!). Tami offers to take all three judges for a ride if they ever come to Denver. Simon asks if the passengers whip her if she goes too slow, and Tami laughs and goes, "That...would be good." I...don't know where she was going with that, but she's on the spot so I'll cut her some slack. The happy coincidence is, the song she'll be singing is "Whipping Post." Simon holds out his hand like he just performed a miracle. I really enjoy the sound of Tami's voice. Bluesy, but not affected or cluttered with any Taylor-like gesticulations. It's a strong, clear, soulful voice, and she looks like she's putting a lot of herself into the song. Simon says he "really, really likes" her. Tami's almost surprised and says, "Oh! I like that." She's great. He says she's different (read: lesbian), like someone you might have seen in the sixties (again: lesbian) and she stands out (lessssssssbian). I'm happy to see Simon's willing to back someone with such an Etheridgian exterior, given how many times he's advised finalists to stay away from Melissa's songs lest they catch The Lez. Paula's so happy that Tami's happy, and that makes me happy. Jesus Christ, this is almost nauseating. I promise I'll get to something that sucks soon enough. With an "I love you" from Paula and a "1,000 percent" from Simon, Tami advances to what Randy lamely dubs "Hollyweird," and outside, she gets a big hug from her (most likely) girlfriend. As a courtesy to Rupert Murdoch, however, they do not kiss.
Commercials. Dudes, Drive looks fuckin' awesome.
The title card says "Lesson 2: Seek Inspiration," and Ryan tells us that this means find someone you either look like, sound like, or obsess about, and reference them constantly on the way to your audition. For example: that gray-haired hairdresser who "looked like" Taylor Hicks, even though I found him more reminiscent of Bobby Boucher's daddy from The Waterboy ("It's me, son! Ro-boi-to!"); this girly boy who loves Fantasia; special needs Jonathan, who should never have been on the show (he liked Taylor...no comment); a Leelee Sobieski doppelganger who's a fan of Xtina; a Bo Duke doppelganger who's into Ozzy; a boring blonde girl who loves Mariah; and Vincent D'O-not-frio in a wacky tie, who likes him some Hasselhoff, which draws a wide-eyed reaction from Simon Cowell, even though that reaction was likely not in the same state as the comment that preceded it. This leads us to Los Angeles, where Paul Kim's inspiration comes from a more healthy place. Because holy crap, does Paul Kim ever hate William Hung. I mean, so do I, but that's just because of what he represents for the human race. Paul hates William Hung because "when people think about 'Asian singer' they think 'William Hung.'" He says, "I'm not hatin' on William Hung, but..." But you totally are! And it's okay! Seriously, he's William Hung. Without Anna Nicole Smith around anymore, he and Paris Hilton are the only two people left in the world that everybody hates. Revel in the hateration, Paul. It's lovely.