Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Leftover Pie
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.06.2007
Finally, we have Lakisha Jones, 26, who has a three-year-old daughter and is looking for a better life. Oh, no, another human-interest tale. Start the cycle of outrage! "God, I wish they would stop showing Lakisha's damn daughter. It's about the MUSIC!" "She's barely been on TV and why do you hate single moms?" "I don't hate single moms. I know fifty single moms! I just hate Lakisha because she's not good enough and she's using her daughter to make stupid America feel sorry for her!" "But she's an awesome singer. And you clearly hate black people!" Ugh. I'm sorry, where was I?
Lakisha sings "Think" by Aretha Franklin, and while the song isn't exactly much more than a belter's paradise (much as I love it), I still think Lakisha is more loud than she is good. I am fully prepared to be proved wrong during Lakisha's long stay on this show, however. Because she's going to be with us for a long while. Randy and Paula are clapping and whooping with her within two notes, so this was a total ringer audition. Simon "LOVES" her, and calls her a "good old-fashioned belter." She's also dubbed "brilliant" and "likeable." You hear that, America? Likeable! Fall victim to our conditioning hypno-rays! Sheeeee's theeee Chooooosen Oooooone.
Sorry, I was auditioning to be a conspiracy theorist. Outside, Ryan waxes poetic about mother and daughter and their twin journeys to Idol superstardom. Ryan's voice-over promises to "keep an eye on 'em" in Hollywood. Aw. Ryan's voice-over is offering his manny services. Adorable.
And that's it, y'all. Auditions are OVAH. Ryan would like us to remember the teeming hordes of wannabes and the small but valuable pockets of actual talent and utter freakazoids which have made the first month of this show such a delight. You know we're fixing to do a montage here, so I'm just going to blurt out names of any and all faces I recognize. Like Sarah Burgess the runaway crybaby. And Tashawn Moore, dressed to impress. Awesome Castro beard guy. The scary saggy-boobed novella author/performance artist and her mom. Sweet little Matt Sato having a freakout. The "Urban Amish" liar. Bush Baby Kenneth still perfecting his JC Chasez. Bug-eyed Timika from Memphis. Seacrest dons some strange woman's wig. Cowardly Lion/Chewbacca girl. Awesome Chris Sligh and awful Brandy Patterson, dancing goofily. Kick-ass William Green pretend-yelling at the judges. Paula burping and spitting and Simon calling her a "dis-gus-ting pig!" Weird little Phuong. Nakia the doomed spitfire "Dancing in the Streets" girl. Big scary Margaret Fowler, on her way to the Norbit premiere. The heartbreaking old man who sang for his "lady love." Some girl having a seizure while Ryan pulls a Jack Benny next to her. Randy and Paula move in for a sure-to-be-psychologically-scarring kiss. Randy and Paula chasing Simon down during the ridiculousness in L.A. Sarah Goldberg is still ear-splittingly "UNIQUE! WOOO!" Ryan gets dropped by Franks N Beans's cheerleading squad. Some old grandma we haven't seen before lectures Simon about rejecting her grandkid. Simon placates her for a second and then asks, "Why are you smiling?" Grandma: "Because I...I really like ya." Simon: "I can tell." Ha! Awesome.