Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Leftover Pie
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.06.2007
According to Ryan's VO, the next outfit, from Birmingham, takes the cake. The outfit doesn't really hang together as a coherent look, so I'm just going to explain the components: red, open-toed heels; black-and-white checkered capris; a hot pink and black bustier top with a kind of shirt-veil that pulls up from the bust like a reverse cravat and then wraps around the neck like a choker; bright red mosquito netting that she's using as a wrap; and finally, an open-topped pillbox hat (?) with a black funeral veil. This is Christa Fazzino, and she's dressed like a French prostitute going to John Waters's funeral. That's the best I can do. Christa describes herself as "unique and entertaining." She says she uses fashion to express whatever mood she's in, and today she feels "bright, vibrant, happy, excited." Hence the preponderance of black and the funeral veil.
Inside, she's walking like this is the first time she's ever been in heels, and she kind of reminds me of Avril Lavigne when she talks, so maybe this IS her first time in heels. Randy's like, "Whoa, nice outfit," and Christa is like, "Cool, right? Thanks!" Paula asks if the clothes are an indication of the performance to come, and Christa then re-explains the whole clothes-dictate-the-mood thing. "And today you felt like the inside of a dustbin," Simon jabs. Christa doesn't understand him, and Simon backs off all "nothing, nothing, nothing." Christa's singing is, as you might expect, not so much singing at all. Awful in all the usual ways, and the stomping of her feet and the pumping of her arms aren't really helping matters either. Paula turns to Randy and whispers, "What's that song?" and then she stops Christa's singing and asks again: "I don't know what...that is. I don't know what song that is." Randy's immediately like, "I don't even know if that would matter." Simon dubs it ridiculous, starting with the "dancing." And because Simon said the "d" word, Paula goes into freak-out defensive mode: "That wasn't dancing!" "Attempting to," says Simon, and Paula gets all pissed off. "Like you would know!" she spits. She is such a strange person. Christa asks if she can do something else, and Simon suggests juggling. You know, now that he mentions it, there is a little Cirque de Soleil in her. The judges all say no, and the Christa starts crying at the door, saying she knows she can sing. Paula -- I'd say "unbelievably" if this were anyone else but her -- actually caves in to the tears and says she changes her vote to "yes" out of some Solidarity of the Tearful or whatever. Doesn't matter, Simon and Randy still say no. Next!