Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex Is Like A Misdemeanor
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.24.2004
"The Tribunal," the Dolt replies from the depths of Not!warts Not-So-Great Hall, for that is where we find ourselves after that last cut. The Dolt babbles something about this Tribunal being comprised of demons and ever-useless Elders, its sole purpose to ensure that no mortal learns about magic. "At whatever the cost," Snidely Whiplash notes ominously. What, you thought I was kidding with that Snidely threat from last week? Think again. There follows some more nonsense regarding the creation of the Cleaners and their powers and how all of this fits into "the grand design" "to allow magic to influence but not take over free will," and no, that makes no sense at all, which is why I called it "more nonsense," but more importantly: You were expecting better from this show? After all this time? Get off the pipe already. Snidely Whiplash adds that this free-will bullshit "is the one thing both sides could agree upon." Shut up, Snidely. The free-will bullshit is the second thing both sides could agree upon after the Hollow, and being an ever-useless Elder, you should know that. Douche. Piper, who had emerged from a room down the hall, like, thirty minutes ago, finally toddles her massively bloated ass into the Not-So-Great Hall to greet her sisters and wonder what they're doing at Not!warts. The Manor Ps plus the Dolt fill her in on the sitch, and Piper is predictably annoyed. After Raige and Phoebe bicker about whose fault this all is -- and I, incidentally, am siding with Raige against Phoebe, like, go figure -- they turn to Snidely for help.
Cut to Raige, Phoebe, Snidely, and the Dolt orbing onto a massive, opaque platform lit from beneath with white lights, surrounded by blackness. "Where are we?" one of the women wonders. "Everywhere," Snidely replies. "Nowhere. You don't want to know." Shut UP. GOD, I HATE this ASSHOLE. What brain surgeon on the production staff decided that what this show really needed was a tedious, sanctimonious, evil, greasy, British, know-it-all hack? And was it just to piss me off? Snidely warns them that the Tribunal is unlike anything they've ever encountered before, and adds that while the Doormat situation is unfortunate, they should be "aware before [they] embark upon this journey that where it ends might just be worse." Phoebe's all, "Shut up and summon them already," so Snidely waves his arms in the air like he just don't care and intones, "Di ecce hora uxor mea me necabit!" which, as the lovely and talented CRM noted on the boards, translates roughly as "I say, behold this hour, for my wife will kill me." I want to die.