Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex Is Like A Misdemeanor
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.24.2004
And we're back. Phoebe and Raige bitch about their current predicament, and shrike something else about their "worst enemy" acting as opposing counsel. Snidely's all, "I warned you, you simps," until Jelly Roll orders him to present his case. Snidely requests a few more moments of prep time, but Bubber, reminding Snidely that he was the one who summoned them in the first place, orders him to get on with it. Phoebe objects to Barbas's presence, citing the clear conflict of interest he has in this case, as he's tried to kill them three times in the past. Fats, outraged, puffs something about her impertinence. Phoebe assures him she's not questioning the Elders' motives, just the demons'. She rises to make some point or another and inadvertently steps on the lavender hexagon at the center of the platform. It immediately flares up with a scene from the as-yet-unrecapped "From Fear to Eternity." First-season Phoebe, looking impossibly young and appealing -- and my, but choosing this particular flashback was a bad call on the part of the writing staff, as present-day Alyssa Milano looks even more wasted and haggard now that the audience can indulge in a side-by-side comparison with her younger self -- wanders through the backyard of a house listed with "SWA Properties," her place of employment for that episode, and calls out for a "Mrs. Joffee." Barbas responds in Mrs. Joffee's voice. Phoebe whirls about with a look of abject terror on her face. Present-day Barbas grins at the memory of events displayed in the hologram as he picks at his nails.
Back in the past, Barbas grips Phoebe tightly by her coat and passes the back of his hand over her face. Phoebe, gasping and panting in fear, pulls it together long enough to challenge him with, "I know how you kill, but there are no elevators around here." "Elevators?" Barbas sneers. "That's what you think your greatest fear is? You mortals need to look deeper. Your greatest fear is losing a sister, and I get two for one." As past Phoebe's eyes widen in shock, the hologram retracts into the floor. "Oh, the good old days," present-day Barbas grins, and he's not kidding. That thirty-second flashback makes me wish I were recapping that episode instead of this one. Phoebe, meanwhile, hisses a question at Snidely about what just happened. He exposits that she stepped into "The Circle Of Truth." "It's enchanted," he warns. "It reads thoughts and shows what needs to be seen. You must be careful." Raige snots that maybe Phoebe should consider sitting down and staying down as Barbas argues that his past deeds are not on trial at the moment. Rather, it is the question of whether the Charmed Ones "have the right to be continually cleaning up after their own magical asses," and wow, this is boring. Phoebe seethes that they're being set up and they have to get out of there. Snidely whispers that if they leave, "Lef-tenant Morris" will die. "Lef-tenant"? You jackhole. Shut it. In any event, Phoebe orders the Dolt back to the Manor or earth or wherever to sort things out. The Dolt orbs upwards, leading Barbas to snark, "Was I boring him?" Maybe. Maybe not. What you should be asking is, "Am I boring Demian?" And the answer to that is, "Yes. Yes, you are. And would you fix your fucking teeth already?" Snidely opens his defense of the Charmed Ones by proposing to remind the Quadrunal of the gals' "long, successful history" of covering up their own mistakes, as we cut to…