Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex Is Like A Misdemeanor
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.24.2004
Manor. Non-Existent Attic. Big Gay Chris and the Dolt babble, each to himself, about Barbas and the Phantasms before bickering with each other. The Dolt finally orders Chris to set aside his daddy issues long enough to save Detective Doormat and "the girls." Chris quickly remembers that Phinks specified "Phantasms" -- in the plural -- and realizes there must be another one out there for the guys to find. Scene.
Quadrunal. Barbas summons Harvey Cleaner, who twinkles onto the platform already seated in a chair. We learn that the Cleaners were "assigned to the Charmed Ones when they first became witches," so I'm wondering, "When? At birth? Or does he mean six months after Phoebe killed Grams and the binding spell was reversed? And if the Cleaners have been around all this time, why did they not get involved when Phoebe whacked a baseball player? Or when Phoebe whacked a classmate? Or when Phoebe whacked a co-star?" But no, instead of focusing on things that actually matter, we launch into The Dead Cops On Parade Flashback Extravaganza: Law Enforcement's Greatest Hits. The first is Andy's as-yet-unrecapped death scene in "Déjà Vu All Over Again," only they've excised all traces of Shannen Doherty, you really can't see Ted King, and the clip focuses solely on Piper and Phoebe's brief pre-commercial-break reaction, so unless you're a long-time viewer of this crapfest, you'll have no idea what just happened. "Truly tragic," Barbas murmurs after the clip cuts out. "That was their sister Prue's first true love." As he ambles over to the defense table, he pointedly adds, "Wonder whatever happened to her?" Alyssa Milano leaps to her feet to scream, "I had that bitch FIRED, and you KNOW IT!" We then get a two-minute-long sequence from "Death Takes a Halliwell," in which Reese Davidson accuses Phoebe of complicity in the Colethazor's disappearance before getting his brain sucked out by the demons of the week. Next comes another two-minute-long sequence featuring Agent Bruce's threats and eventual death from his own bullet. Harvey concludes his testimony by asserting that there are many Inspector Sheridans waiting to snare the Charmed Ones, and suggests that the list of dead cops end with Detective Doormat. Harvey, incidentally, seems altogether far too evil -- far too pleased that the Doormat will in all likelihood die while the Charmed Ones receive some sort of massive sanction likely involving the loss of their powers -- to be the supposedly neutral character they've presented him as since his first appearance. I'm wondering if they're setting the Cleaners up to be a part of Barbas's latest conspiracy. Then again, ol' Harve here could just be as irritated with this cast of misfits and morons as I am after six years.
Whatever. Barbas dismisses the witness, so Harvey twinkles out. Snidely sneers that he too had questions for the Cleaner, but Raige, who had reached some sort of conclusion during that last sequence, calls out, "Never mind!" and shoots Snidely a look before suggesting that the Quadrunal carry on. Barbas's closing argument is all about "the recklessness of the Charmed Ones," and he basically suggests they be whatever and BORING! Snidely has nothing to add, so the Quadrunal members dissolve to debate their verdict. Raige quickly summons the Dolt, who orbs in with Big Gay Chris. The boys reveal what they've learned, which matches Raige's conclusion regarding Inspector Sheridan -- to wit, Barbas had to have infected her with the other Phantasm in order to ensure her presence at the vanquish that got them into this mess in the first place because Phoebe wanted to get laid. Raige orders the guys to fetch the good inspector and deliver her to the Quadrunal posthaste.