Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex Is Like A Misdemeanor
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.24.2004
The Death Chamber. The Doormat gets sweaty and lets his eyelids drop shut as the automated panel cycles through the various lethal injections. Suddenly, The Dazzling Sheila calls out his name, and he snaps open his eyes to find himself back at Trudeau Memorial. The Dazzling Sheila, in a black, drop-shouldered top with a flower tucked above her ear, lifts an amused eyebrow and smirks, "Did you forget we were going out tonight?" Detective Doormat leaps out of his chair to wrap her in a hug as the de-possessed and apparently mind-wiped Sheridan ambles past. Harvey Cleaner emerges from a nearby hallway to lock eyes with the Doormat and smirk before twinkling out of the police station. Way to guard against the exposure of magic by twinkling out of the middle of a crowded police station, Harve. Fuck this show.
Quadrunal. The Mighty Heads Of Justice confirm the Doormat's reprieve, then turn their attention to Barbas. He languidly pushes himself from his seat and makes one final argument, this time regarding Phoebe's recent personal gain kick. Phoebe looks guilty. Piper looks as bored as I am. The Quadrunal arrives at a silent decision, and Django announces, "Phoebe will be stripped of her powers." "What?" she bites, outraged. Fats notes that they'll be divesting her of her "active powers" only -- premonition, levitation, and empathy. She'll be able to "earn them back," and in the meantime, she'll still be able to cast spells and mix potions and shit. And with that, the Quadrunal dematerializes for good. Raige and Piper make a show of protest, but Phoebe stops them with, "It might be kind of refreshing not to rely on my powers so much anymore, you know?" Bitch, please. You haven't levitated since the third episode of this season, and we haven't seen a premonition since Janet Reno was in knee pants. And as for your Fucking Backup Band? You never should have gotten that in the first place, you undeserving, selfish, self-centered, arrogant, ignorant, bony-ass shrike. "Are you sure?" Piper frets. "Yeah," Phoebe replies, warily eyeing Barbas. "Let's get out of here." Raige lightly places her hands on her sisters' shoulders and disappears upwards with them.
And still this episode will not end. Barbas gloats that while he may not have won the entire case, he appears to have succeeded to the point that he no longer has to dwell in Hell. He ambles over to Snidely, passes a hand in front of sanctimonious prick's face, and correctly determines that Snidely's greatest fear is being exposed as the malicious, goateed, Psycho-sacrificing British bastard he really is. Just before he flames out, Barbas instructs Snidely not to worry, as Snidely's secret is safe with him. Well, not if Big Gay Chris and the Dolt are still standing over there on the far side of the fucking platform, it's not. After all, we never did see them leave. Christ, I hate this show. Snidely looks annoyed as the camera pans back and cranes into the air before fading -- finally -- to black.