Episode Report Card Montykins: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Step One: Cut a Hole in a Box
By Montykins | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 06.09.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So Robb's definitely dead. Arya sees his decapitated body being carried through the burning Stark encampment, except that his wolf's head has been attached onto his neck. Later on, she and Sandor pass a campfire where a Frey soldier is boasting about having done the needlework, so she hops off the horse and stabs him to death. Sandor kills the other men at the fire, and I can only assume this is the beginning of a three-kingdom killing spree where Sandor and Arya have wacky misadventures.
Tyrion and Sansa are getting along a little better, but that only lasts until everyone at King's Landing learns that Robb and Catelyn are dead. Joffrey announces to the Small Council that at his wedding, he's planning on serving Sansa Robb's head. Tyrion says some things, then Joffrey says some things, and the result is that Tywin tells King Joffrey to shut up and go to bed. Then he tells Tyrion to hurry up and generate a Lannister boy to run the North.
Until that day comes, the North is under the control of Roose Bolton, who's currently barely tolerating Walder Frey's gloating. He provides a valuable service, though, by revealing that the guy who's been torturing Theon is his bastard Ramsay Snow. Ramsay also gets some screentime, in which he eats a pork sausage and renames Theon "Reek." And he mails Theon's severed penis to Balon Greyjoy, who kind of doesn't care what happens to Theon. But Theon's sister Yara vows to save him, so that's something.
Bran's crew reaches the Nightfort and shares some ghost stories. But the weird noises aren't ghosts; they're Sam and Gilly! We have a storyline crossover! Sam shows them how to get through the Wall and also hands over some of the dragonglass weapons he's been carrying. Then Sam runs down to Castle Black, where he warns Maester Aemon about all the White Walkers and Walking Dead and whatnot that are on their way.
Davos is not happy about Melisandre's plan to sacrifice Gendry. And you can imagine how Gendry feels about it. So Davos gives Gendry a rowboat, which is sort of an escape plan. Stannis is all set to execute him, but Davos tells him about the White Walkers and so on. And even Melisandre agrees that this seems important, so Davos gets to stick around as Stannis's Hand.
Jon Snow is ambushed while washing his wounds. But it's only Ygritte, and he knows she won't hurt him. So she only shoots him with three arrows as he rides away, which means he's still alive when he reaches Castle Black.
Cersei seems unhappy about the way Joffrey is turning out, and she takes her unhappiness out on Tyrion, who's also moping. But then Jaime comes home, and Cersei's happy again! Well, really she just stares at him and his missing hand for a while, but I have confidence she'll smile eventually. But even more unhappy than Tyrion and Cersei put together is Shae, although she declines Varys's offer of a bag of diamonds to get out of town.
And finally, Daenerys meets the inhabitants of Yunkai. They're a bunch of newly freed slaves who are all calling her mother. They pick her up and she crowd-surfs into her new city. There are worse ways to travel.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!So Theon’s being held by Ramsay, Roose Bolton’s bastard. This tells us that Theon’s probably being held at the Dreadfort, because one of my favorite lines from last season (in episode six) was when Roose said, “Let me send word to my bastard at the Dreadfort.” And now that I look at that scene, Roose was, in fact, trying to capture Theon for Robb, like he just told Walder. So if we’d all been paying more attention, we could probably have assumed that was who had Theon. And the wooden X Theon is tied to looks a lot like the Flayed Man symbol, which just goes to show these people’s admirable devotion to symbolism. Also, it’s worth mentioning that Ramsay’s last name is “Snow,” because that’s the name that bastards get in that part of Westeros. Like Jon Snow.
And conveniently enough, the next scene is in the Dreadfort (great name) with Ramsay Snow! He’s eating some kind of large meat thing while taunting Theon (still on the X) about his missing cock. For a second, he seems to imply that that’s what he’s eating, but it’s really a pork sausage. Let’s not let it get weird, you know? He speculates about phantom limbs and asks, “Do eunuchs have a phantom cock?” He asks Theon if he’ll feel an itch when he thinks about naked girls. Theon doesn’t look like naked ladies are the first thing on his mind at the moment. Ramsay says his mother taught him not to throw stones at cripples. Then he switches gears: “But my father taught me, aim for the head!” Theon mumbles something, which turns out to be a request for Ramsay to kill him. Ramsay says he’d be no use dead, because they need him. He walks up to Theon and pulls his head up. He says, “You don’t look like Theon Greyjoy. You’re just meat. Stinking meat. You reek. Reek! That’s a good name for you! What’s your name?” Theon says, “Theon Greyjoy.” Ramsay backhands him across the face and asks again. Theon again says his name is Theon. This time Ramsay punches him. One more time, “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” Theon gets on board: “Reek. My name is Reek.” I feel like you should either buckle right away or keep insisting on your name until you get beaten unconscious. Taking the middle route just gets you pummeled and you don’t get to keep your name.