Episode Report Card Montykins: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Step One: Cut a Hole in a Box
By Montykins | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 06.09.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So Robb's definitely dead. Arya sees his decapitated body being carried through the burning Stark encampment, except that his wolf's head has been attached onto his neck. Later on, she and Sandor pass a campfire where a Frey soldier is boasting about having done the needlework, so she hops off the horse and stabs him to death. Sandor kills the other men at the fire, and I can only assume this is the beginning of a three-kingdom killing spree where Sandor and Arya have wacky misadventures.
Tyrion and Sansa are getting along a little better, but that only lasts until everyone at King's Landing learns that Robb and Catelyn are dead. Joffrey announces to the Small Council that at his wedding, he's planning on serving Sansa Robb's head. Tyrion says some things, then Joffrey says some things, and the result is that Tywin tells King Joffrey to shut up and go to bed. Then he tells Tyrion to hurry up and generate a Lannister boy to run the North.
Until that day comes, the North is under the control of Roose Bolton, who's currently barely tolerating Walder Frey's gloating. He provides a valuable service, though, by revealing that the guy who's been torturing Theon is his bastard Ramsay Snow. Ramsay also gets some screentime, in which he eats a pork sausage and renames Theon "Reek." And he mails Theon's severed penis to Balon Greyjoy, who kind of doesn't care what happens to Theon. But Theon's sister Yara vows to save him, so that's something.
Bran's crew reaches the Nightfort and shares some ghost stories. But the weird noises aren't ghosts; they're Sam and Gilly! We have a storyline crossover! Sam shows them how to get through the Wall and also hands over some of the dragonglass weapons he's been carrying. Then Sam runs down to Castle Black, where he warns Maester Aemon about all the White Walkers and Walking Dead and whatnot that are on their way.
Davos is not happy about Melisandre's plan to sacrifice Gendry. And you can imagine how Gendry feels about it. So Davos gives Gendry a rowboat, which is sort of an escape plan. Stannis is all set to execute him, but Davos tells him about the White Walkers and so on. And even Melisandre agrees that this seems important, so Davos gets to stick around as Stannis's Hand.
Jon Snow is ambushed while washing his wounds. But it's only Ygritte, and he knows she won't hurt him. So she only shoots him with three arrows as he rides away, which means he's still alive when he reaches Castle Black.
Cersei seems unhappy about the way Joffrey is turning out, and she takes her unhappiness out on Tyrion, who's also moping. But then Jaime comes home, and Cersei's happy again! Well, really she just stares at him and his missing hand for a while, but I have confidence she'll smile eventually. But even more unhappy than Tyrion and Cersei put together is Shae, although she declines Varys's offer of a bag of diamonds to get out of town.
And finally, Daenerys meets the inhabitants of Yunkai. They're a bunch of newly freed slaves who are all calling her mother. They pick her up and she crowd-surfs into her new city. There are worse ways to travel.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!King’s Landing. Shae sulks. There’s a lot of that going around. But Varys is here to cheer her up! She says she came to Westeros when she was thirteen years old, but she stopped being a child at nine, thanks to her mother. Varys thinks she’s been a good influence on “our mutual friend” (Tyrion), who used to gamble and whore and drink. And now he just drinks. Shae is unhappy about being Tyrion’s wife’s servant. She still loves Sansa, but that doesn’t make it easier to clean her chamber pot. You can see how she’d be unhappy. Varys tries to bond with her on the grounds that they’re both foreigners: “We’ve learned their language but we’ll never be their countrymen.” The problem, according to Varys, is that Shae doesn’t have a name. Well, she obviously has a name (it’s “Shae”), but she doesn’t have a family name, which means she isn’t highborn. And that means she can’t be with the son of Tywin Lannister. That’s probably why bastards get names; so people know that even though they’re not important, they’re still more important than nobodies. And note that Theon lost both his names when Ramsay renamed him to “Reek.” Names are important. But getting back to Shae, I think she’d be a lot happier if she accepted that no matter what Tyrion said when they were alone, this is the best she’s going to do. Varys gives her a bag of diamonds and tells her to sail away and buy a large house with many servants. He says he’s doing this because Tyrion could make the country better, and Shae is “a complication.” He knows she loves Tyrion, but “I’m asking you to leave because your presence in the capitol endangers him.” This will never be her home, so he thinks she should leave. She throws the diamonds on the ground and tells Varys, “If he wants me to leave, he can tell me himself.” I would say the bribe has been unsuccessful. But he gets to keep the diamonds, which is nice.
Tyrion is drinking with Pod, and making him try to keep up. Pod’s not doing well at it, because he’s just a kid. Cersei walks in and tells Pod to leave, which he is happy to do. Cersei smirks at Tyrion and says, “So…enjoying married life?” Tyrion says Sansa doesn’t deserve this, and Cersei mocks the idea of people deserving things at all. Tyrion calls her a “late-blooming philosopher” and reminds her that she has her own bad marriage on the horizon. She says she won’t be marrying Ser Loras. She also recommends giving Sansa a child, because then Sansa will have something to give her happiness. Tyrion asks how happy Cersei is, what with her three kids. The answer is, “Not very.” But she’d kill herself without her children, even Joffrey. Back when Joffrey was her only child, she’d spend hours looking at him. He was, apparently, a “jolly little fellow.” Cersei reminisces, “Whenever he was with me, he was happy. And no one can take that away from me, not even Joffrey.” She drinks some wine. Cersei says this whole rigmarole will go on until they’re out of enemies. But since they create two more enemies every time they eliminate one, it’ll presumably take a while. Maybe they should try creating friends? It’s just a thought.