Episode Report Card Montykins: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Step One: Cut a Hole in a Box
By Montykins | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 06.09.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So Robb's definitely dead. Arya sees his decapitated body being carried through the burning Stark encampment, except that his wolf's head has been attached onto his neck. Later on, she and Sandor pass a campfire where a Frey soldier is boasting about having done the needlework, so she hops off the horse and stabs him to death. Sandor kills the other men at the fire, and I can only assume this is the beginning of a three-kingdom killing spree where Sandor and Arya have wacky misadventures.
Tyrion and Sansa are getting along a little better, but that only lasts until everyone at King's Landing learns that Robb and Catelyn are dead. Joffrey announces to the Small Council that at his wedding, he's planning on serving Sansa Robb's head. Tyrion says some things, then Joffrey says some things, and the result is that Tywin tells King Joffrey to shut up and go to bed. Then he tells Tyrion to hurry up and generate a Lannister boy to run the North.
Until that day comes, the North is under the control of Roose Bolton, who's currently barely tolerating Walder Frey's gloating. He provides a valuable service, though, by revealing that the guy who's been torturing Theon is his bastard Ramsay Snow. Ramsay also gets some screentime, in which he eats a pork sausage and renames Theon "Reek." And he mails Theon's severed penis to Balon Greyjoy, who kind of doesn't care what happens to Theon. But Theon's sister Yara vows to save him, so that's something.
Bran's crew reaches the Nightfort and shares some ghost stories. But the weird noises aren't ghosts; they're Sam and Gilly! We have a storyline crossover! Sam shows them how to get through the Wall and also hands over some of the dragonglass weapons he's been carrying. Then Sam runs down to Castle Black, where he warns Maester Aemon about all the White Walkers and Walking Dead and whatnot that are on their way.
Davos is not happy about Melisandre's plan to sacrifice Gendry. And you can imagine how Gendry feels about it. So Davos gives Gendry a rowboat, which is sort of an escape plan. Stannis is all set to execute him, but Davos tells him about the White Walkers and so on. And even Melisandre agrees that this seems important, so Davos gets to stick around as Stannis's Hand.
Jon Snow is ambushed while washing his wounds. But it's only Ygritte, and he knows she won't hurt him. So she only shoots him with three arrows as he rides away, which means he's still alive when he reaches Castle Black.
Cersei seems unhappy about the way Joffrey is turning out, and she takes her unhappiness out on Tyrion, who's also moping. But then Jaime comes home, and Cersei's happy again! Well, really she just stares at him and his missing hand for a while, but I have confidence she'll smile eventually. But even more unhappy than Tyrion and Cersei put together is Shae, although she declines Varys's offer of a bag of diamonds to get out of town.
And finally, Daenerys meets the inhabitants of Yunkai. They're a bunch of newly freed slaves who are all calling her mother. They pick her up and she crowd-surfs into her new city. There are worse ways to travel.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Castle Black. We haven’t been here in quite some time. Sam and Gilly are standing before Maester Aemon. Sam says he knows how this must look. Gilly calls Aemon “My Lord,” which gives him an excuse to lecture her and Sam on the vows that the men of the Night’s Watch take. They preclude being a lord, as well as certain other woman-related activities. Sam clarifies that Gilly’s son is not his. This is the first time that Aemon learns that Gilly is one of Craster’s wives. Aemon tries to take control of the conversation by asking Sam if he remembers his oath. But Sam is happy to quote it, particularly “I am the shield that guards the realms of men.” In his opinion, that means they’re supposed to protect humans, even Wildlings like Gilly. They didn’t build a whopping big wall just to keep out Wildlings. The night is gathering and it’s coming for all of them. Aemon digests this, then tells Gilly she’s a guest, since they clearly can’t send her back north. She says she can cook and clean, which is good news. Aemon has Sam get a pen and paper. They have 44 ravens, and Sam is to feed them all. They all fly tonight. I think they should probably save a couple ravens back in case something even worse happens tomorrow. On this show, something worse always happens tomorrow.
Dragonstone. Davos is in Shireen’s cell, puzzling through a pile of messages to Stannis. The one he’s currently reading is an invitation to the Name Day celebration for someone. Stannis wouldn’t care about that even if he weren’t engaged in a war. Shireen is unable to help him with the question of why there’s a “g” in night, which means that the language he’s trying to read is, in fact, English. I realize nobody was that worried about that. She recommends reading her cool history books instead of Stannis’s messages, because the messages are boring and her books have sentences like, “His fangs were as long as bastard swords.” That does sound interesting! More interesting than watching Davos read the mail, anyway. Davos is doing this because he’s Stannis’s Hand. The next message is to all the lords and nobles of Westeros. It begins, “The Night’s Watch implores…” Then there are bells. Davos tells Shireen to stay there and bar the door. That’s certainly what she should do, since she’s being kept in this cell. Although not a lot of prison cells have locks on the inside of the door.