Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Only God Can Make A Brick
By Miss Alli | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 08.30.2004
At 11:41 PM, Chip and Kim pull the Wild Wadi clue. Kim interviews that the race has been "the honeymoon that [they] never had," and Chip calls it an "opportunity of a lifetime to see the world." There you go, Chip. He says he's "just loving this." Hey, guys, enough with the happy observations about your adventure...why are you washing the car? This is no time for neatness!
11:42 PM. Linda and Karen. They leave, with Chip and Kim noting that the Moms are indeed right behind them. That's what happens when you stop to use the squeegee, Chip. Karen now interviews that the other teams don't see them as a threat because they see them as "average moms." I suspect other teams don't see them as a threat because they kind of aren't that good at getting places particularly fast, but we'll go with her explanation. In the car, she says she expects to "surprise" the rest of the teams. I don't want to step on any ideas she might have about surprising other teams, but I just want to say...Colin, an air horn, and a bucket of water. She can take it from there.
Brandon flags down a couple of guys walking down the highway and asks them how to get to Dubai. They point him in the right direction, and when he's back in the car, he comments on the "blind faith" he's putting in them. Yep. Sometimes you put it in God, and sometimes you put it in two random guys walking down the middle of the road in the dark. You flesh that out, Brandon, and you've got a Bob Dylan song.
Colin and Christie arrive at the water park. Unsurprisingly, when they get up to the entrance, the hours of operation are 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM, so there won't be any late-night skinny dipping going on. More surprisingly, there seems to be a big comfortable tent for them to sleep in, which...I swear, this thing gets cushier every season. Can they not sleep on the ground like people did in the olden days? What's next, an order-in masseuse while you wait? Wimps. And...again, Colin's legs are either really dirty or really sooty or...or they're incredibly hairy, which is a little too much for me to think about without large quantities of tequila handy.
12:14, just past midnight at the oasis. The Twinkies rip open their clue as their new Porntastic Theme From Inept Attempts To Be Sexy plays on the soundtrack. They note that four teams have $55, and they have nothing. Oh, come on. They got skunked on a leg where all you need is $55? Yawn. Karli interviews that they expect the leg to be "extremely difficult" due to the lack of money. [Music: "Bow-chicka-neeer-neeer."] They pull up on the road next to a couple of guys and ask for the exit to get to Dubai. As KamiKarli asks for directions, KarliKami mutters, "Don't take off; I'm going to ask for money." And again, we get the voice-over about how they're going to "manipulate people." Is begging manipulative? Or is it just begging? Anyway, from the back seat, one of them tells the guys she'll sing for money. I never understand that. Just because you don't want to do it doesn't mean other people will pay you to do it. She also offers to "massage [their] shoulders." Is that manipulative? Isn't the offer fairly straightforward? I'm getting a headache. Anyway, one Twinkie voices over that they'll be using "whatever sexual gifts God gave us," and as she does, the Amazing Editors throw in a brilliantly funny shot of one of them, her face looking substantially more horsey than usual, making a dorky Oh Baby Don't You Want To Give Me Money When I Flash My Sexual Gifts face. I mean, I'm not really the target audience for their sexual gifts and am therefore not well situated to judge them, but I certainly wouldn't put them on any list of great hotties. (I don't think I've been able to look at them the same way since one of the forum posters pointed out how much they look like John Lithgow.) Anyway, as a Twinkie leans into the car to hug the guy and thank him for whatever money he did apparently give her, he literally recoils and pushes her away. Yeah. They don't want a hug, dear. I don't even like the hugging of strangers in return for minor courtesies when it happens here, and we're an annoyingly huggy society, I find. You probably don't want to try to export that.
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