Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Only God Can Make A Brick
By Miss Alli | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 08.30.2004
10:51 PM. Colin and Christie, leaving first...again. They do just seem determined to win leg after leg after leg. The difference between this race and the Tour de France: No drafting. And also, the U.S. Postal Service doesn't have a team in the race, although I'm beginning to think its disgruntled subsidiary may be sponsoring Colin. Anyway, they rip open the clue, and it tells them to drive 35 miles to Wild Wadi in Dubai. What's a Wild Wadi? I'm glad you asked. Phil explains that this is the largest water park in the world -- outside of the United States. Because apparently, in addition to imperialism, we are also big in log flumes. At the park, they'll find another clue. Feh. I hate it when they go to amusement parks and that sort of tourist-trap silliness. Why would you go all the way to Dubai and then spend your time testing it out to see if it's as good as the Wisconsin Dells?
Anyway, they climb into a red and yellow SUV that looks like it just came from either the set of Baywatch or another night in the crazy hunt for the fugitive Hamburglar. What is Colin wearing? Is he wearing...shorts and tights? I'm sure he's not. As they drive, Christie somewhat gratuitously calls out, "Watch out for camels!" "Baby...enough," Colin says, and honestly, as much of a prick as he is, I feel for him. Navigating is one thing; constant advice is something else, and Christie is not great at finding the line. Not that he's good at it when the situation is reversed, either -- don't get me wrong. And also, "Watch for camels"? Anyway, Christie voices over that Colin has a weakness for "losing his temper," and she adds that when he gets frustrated, they screw up more. I don't know if she's paying attention, but he's frustrated and impatient and pissed off all the time, and they're winning every leg. I find her thesis facially invalid. Dismissed! She should have just said it makes her want to break her foot off in his ass, because no one could have argued with that. Personally, I think he's just pissed off because the longer the race goes on, the more he appears to have David Cassidy's hair. Anyway, they stop off somewhere to ask for directions, and because nothing bad has happened yet, Colin appears to be marginally pleasant to the guy they ask.
At 11:27 PM, Brandon and Nicole take off. Brandon voices over that "things are good" with him and Nikki -- they bicker, but they're "in love" and they're happy. In the McSUV, she has an observation. "They have those church things everywhere, don't they?" "What church things?" Brandon asks. "What is it called, a mosque or something? They're on every corner. It's like Starbucks here." Heh. You know, when I heard her say that, I just groaned, because I knew how much people were going to hate it, but...I kind of sympathized, because I don't think she's saying that mosques are of the same significance as Starbucks. I think she's just saying that they're as ubiquitous as Starbucks. And yeah, "church things" was dippy, but her "mosques or something" line sounded like the kind of hedge I do when I know a word, but I'm not positive that I'm pronouncing it right. I think she knows the word, she just wasn't sure she was saying it right. I'm not saying she's not sheltered, but I don't think she meant that to be dismissive. In fact, considering how seriously she takes her own faith, I think it's quite telling that she recognized them as the equivalent of churches. You know, before she...likened them to Starbucks.
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