Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 154 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT When You're Weak
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.01.2013
Alicia: "Dear God, what is that."
Robyn: "My nephews -- slash the Kings' daughter in real life -- were playing with it over the holidays."
Alicia: "And the digestive distress?"
Robyn: "That only happens when you push the farting button?"
Alicia, wonderfully: "And you ... pushed the 'farting button'?"
Robyn Burdine: "Not on purpose!"
Clarke: "Mrs. Florrick, you didn't sign any of those documents I hope?"
Alicia: "No. Irish law states that if you come to someone's property with documents and go away with them unsigned, you have to leave a loaf of bread on the windowsill by sundown. I figured that way, the holiday party would..."
Clarke: "Because whoever that Matthew Ashbaugh is to you, he was crazy as HELL. I just called a friend in probate court about his estate, and it turns out there is at least one contested will. It bequeaths a charity, Smile Train, $12M..."
Alicia: "I don't even want to know what..."
Clarke: "And the same for you. Twelve mil. Which I guess at least means I'll get paid before 2015. Not to mention some furniture."
Alicia: "I hate money! I get to, because I am so rich."
GOV OFC
Stupid Jackie arranges a crèche in her son's government office, like nobody's going to notice, singin' her Jesus songs, and then takes a million years to answer her stupid phone, which takes three to eighteen tries, some with stupid glasses on, some with stupid glasses off. I like Jackie more than I ever have, this season, but still: Why can't she have one other hobby that isn't climbing around in her kid's jockey shorts all day?
Like just simply one other thing would be equal to, conservatively, five years of therapy for the poor fucked-up guy. Not to mention how all of Peter's Jackie Stuff transmutes into Alicia's Peter Stuff, like, instantly. Watch.
Jackie: "Sorry it took me eleven minutes to answer this phone, but I'm a useless old monster with no love in me. What is up, my dear daughter-in-law?"
Alicia: "Jackie, do you want to come to a party or what."
Jackie: "I love parties! But Peter and I have a date."
Alicia: "Lettin' that slide. I actually just asked him if I could invite you both."
Jackie: "As long as you understand we come as a package deal, because I have nobody else in the entire world, because I am repellent. (And creepily obsessed with him.)"
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