Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 154 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT When You're Weak
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.01.2013
Eli: "You and I both know Peter won't reverse course, and if you won't help me with your usual trumped-up objections to nothing, then you know what I need to do."
Marilyn: "Murder Jackie Florrick."
Eli: "Yeah... Wait, no. What? We have to call Alicia. But good lookin' out. Also, what is with that baby-bump radio that you're strapping to your belly? That is the second or third most annoying thing you have done in the last five seconds."
Marilyn: "Wendy Scott-Carr gets bored in my womb, so I play Bach in there for her."
A JUDGE OTHER THAN JEFFREY TAMBOR PRESIDING
Judge: "So okay, two wills. This happens all the time."
Cary: "This one with Alicia on it was a year later than the one we were previously calling the right one. Sixteen months before Matthew Ashbaugh, sadly, died."
LG: "Yeah, in magic marker."
Cary: "Don't be a 1-L about this. If you have an objection, go for it."
Judge: "Aren't you just the luckiest princess in Luckville. Governor's wife, millionaire heiress, and the prettiest lady in Cook County."
Alicia: "This whole thing is fucking mortifying."
LG: "Just you wait."
Paula Gidfar is a hooker who Matthew Ashbaugh paid to give him enemas and witness the constant magic marker wills he was, apparently, constantly writing and stashing in various safe deposit boxes all across the Midwest. You lost me at "enema," so we will skip to the part where shit gets awesome: Alicia and Cary toss Clarke Hayden out so he can cross-examine her, and he is adorable, and they are super proud of him, which makes him super proud of him, which makes Cary's already intense dimples double down when he sees this, and I don't know. What is like a boner, but in your heart? What would you call that?
Bottom line is that their arrangement was a GFE thing, essentially from "nine to nine," and she witnessed this will at half-past nine in the morning, and thus was not being a hooker at the time, but ... A notary public, I guess. The opposite of a hooker. Although have you noticed that the most unsavory person in your every office is always the notary? I think it's because they have gypsy ways of surviving, and so like this year you find out they're a notary, next year it's a real estate license, and also they are nine-tenths of a masseuse, and it just never stops.
Whoa, I just described Will Gardner's girlfriend.
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