Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 154 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT When You're Weak
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.01.2013
Also, if you want to know what the going rate is for a "nine to nine," it is five grand. Two thousand dollars more than Vivian got for the whole week in Pretty Woman. Which I just realized is still how I ballpark like, all sex work: Based on that one movie. I should watch more recent movies about prostitutes so I don't accidentally price myself into a sex bubble where I don't know what anything costs, like one of those Real Housewives where they're like, "How much does a gallon of milk go for these days? What is that, like five karats of diamonds? Is it like two and a half thoroughbreds for some milk, in our current economy?"
KALINDA
Chases Damian some more, with some truly abysmal Flogging Molly-type bullshit cover of "Hark The Herald Angels" playing. You like the Nineties, that's fine. You can have 'em. All I know is: Ska, Irish punk-pop, and Barenaked Ladies. That's like getting nostalgic and wanting to time-travel back to when polio was an epidemic, in my opinion.
They chat on the phone while they chase all around, and they are a little sexy and a little flirty and very much not into the safety of others. This is why defensive driving: You never know when a bisexual boot-wearing secret identity lady is going to be chasing a roguish Irish lawyer around Chicago's warehouse or t-shirt factory districts, just for some sexy holiday fun. They even stop for a brief meeting about how much fun they're having, and then they're off again.
Finally he asks her out, and you're like, "Blake Calamar got the shit beat out of him playing this exact same game and it was glorious" and she's like, "Yes and I will bring my baseball bat" and then the whole story flips over, because his friend Detective Jenna pulls her over and is actually the next person Kalinda will be doing it with, and not Damian at all.
(Or at least, yet. Do you remember when Cary and Dana Lodge had that weird imaginary threesome relationship with Kalinda and nobody knew it was happening because they never talked about it? That was so fucked up. I remember thinking it was kinda fucked up at the time but now, looking back, that is like the most dysfunctional shit imaginable.)
Anyway, now Kalinda is under arrest for the felony of aggravated being hot in a car all over the place, and the sex timer resets to "about one and a half minutes from now, when you turn this chick gay like you always are doing." Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but as I said, I'm quickly falling under Doyle's cheeky spell: "Oh, Kalinda! You were drivin' too fast, me love."
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