Episode Report Card Demian: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's Just Another Menstrual Monday
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.16.2004
Oh, thank God. It's a wailing ovary! The opening travelogue takes us from midnight through sunrise -- incorporating that assy titular blue moon, of course -- as some shrike caterwauls, "Come to me so I can digest you." A little too literal for my taste, but hey. The dearth of travelogue ovaries was beginning to unsettle me. Besides, they're always a good way to waste a minute or so of screentime, which is why travelogue ovaries are the recapper's friend. We eventually land on Prescott Street, where the hormonally addled Piper's managed to burn yet another tray of muffins. The smoke alarm in the kitchen beeps incessantly as she races in from the dining room to yank the blackened bakery treats from the oven while the Dolt wobbles around uselessly in the background. She howls at him to turn off the alarm, and when he doesn't move quickly enough for her tastes, she unleashes her Hands of Discontent to demolish the thing in a spray of white sparks. Heh. Phoebe and Raige amble in to join Piper in griping about their periods for a bit before the Dolt wonders what the hell could be keeping Mini-Ralph Reed. Raige attempts to snark something about Danger Dolt and his lately discovered talent for frightening the forces of good, but he orbs out in search of Mini-Ralph before Raige really lands a relevant insult. Phoebe, annoyed that the topic of conversation has strayed so far from her favorite subject, refocuses her sisters' attention upon herself, wondering if they had dreams as "weird" as hers were last night. Not really, Raige and Piper reply, allowing Phoebe to continue that hers were "violent and painful," and if we couldn't have already guessed that PMS plus a rare blue moon equals three transmogrified Glamorous Ladies, we certainly should have been able to do so as a result of that little revelation. Raige kick-starts her subplot by inviting Phoebe to tag along as she heads over to noted heterosexual Kerr Smith's apartment for a stakeout. Piper, for some asinine reason, believes he might just be demonic, and would appreciate confirmation of his true status, like, yesterday, thank you very much. Phoebe begs off, citing Sparklies issues. Raige derides this excuse, as Sparklies is heading to Los Angeles in two days and should therefore have absolutely zero issues attached to him. Just then, Tiny Gay Chris begins crying elsewhere in the Manor, so Piper hustles off to ensure that the Psycho hasn't telekinetically pinned the hapless infant to the wall with a meat cleaver, promising to discuss the possibility of the Dolt moving back into the house when she returns. Phoebe and Raige gawp mutely at each other, all, "Great. Two sociopaths under the same roof."
Not!warts Not-So-Great Hall. The Dolt orbs in to find Elder Q supervising a trio of his colleagues as they apply the healing tingly touch to a still-gouged Mini-Ralph Reed. Elder Q gets all up in the Dolt's face about Mini-Ralph's injuries, the implication being, of course, that the Dolt himself is responsible for them, and that makes absolutely no sense at all, because the Dolt would have just sporked the guy rather than clawing at him, but whatever. Elders are stupid. Even, depressingly, Q. And another thing -- Mini-Ralph is conscious enough to inform these dipwads that he was attacked by three indifferently CGI'd doglike things, so again, WHATEVER. I so totally don't care about any of this. Is Big Gay Chris ever coming back?